The Miserably Happy People: A Parody In Two Parts
by Kang Xiu
Summary: Yaay!! It's a parody of Les Mis as done by the FY cast. KoK is director, along with her faithful sidekick Ryuuen, who is assitant director. Bad humor, odd casting, and, er, some unusual things abound. Finally! The edited and revised version! Akugis added!
1. First Part

Disclaimer: I own not Fushigi Yuugi or Les Miserables.  
  
In this, KoK and Korin teamed up, although Korin only came in at the end. She has no entrances in this fic. It's kind of hard to make a tragedy into a comedy, so this is a combination. Hence the humour/angst classification. Also, please note, this is based off the musical, not the book. In the book, Eponine and Gavroche were related, but there is no sign of this in the musical. So it's not intended to be incest. Thanks!  
  
OK!!! For this parody I was having fun. I would have loved to make a reincarnation, but I realized after many hopeless attempts that it would never work. So. I decided to have it just be the characters putting on a play. Doesn't matter how, or when, or where. But they're all being called names which are not their seishi names, hence the guide below, explaining who's who. (I don't like their seishi names half as well as their other names)  
  
Miaka: Miaka  
Yui: Yui  
Tamahome: Kishuku  
Hotohori: Saihitei  
Nuriko: Ryuuen  
Tasuki: Genrou  
Chichiri: Houjun  
Chiriko: Douken  
Mitsukake: Myoujuan  
Amiboshi: Koutoku  
Suboshi: Shunkaku  
Nakago: Ayuru  
Tomo: Chuin  
Soi: Kaen  
Tomite: Chamka  
Hikitsu: Emtato  
Tokaki: Lanva  
Subaru: Doulin  
Miboshi: Midori  
Ashitare: Ryusaburo  
Tatara: Kasaru  
Shouka, Kouran, Kourin, Suzuno, Takiko are all here too, in the play, sadly. Gyokuren, Yuiren, Chuei, and Shunkei are all here also.   
Taiitsukun and Nyan-nyan are here...because they needed to help some poor pathetic authoress put on a play and decided to come!!  
Onnagata means "woman impersonator".  
Heika means "his highness" or "your highness"  
  
Cast List: A Fushigi Yuugi Les Miserables ~ I have my reasons for every character. No one may argue.  
  
Valjean: Saihitei (Because Waen said that Koutoku would not be a good Valjean) ~ A convict who stole a bottle of shampoo  
  
Javert: Ayuru (BECAUSE AYURU WITH SIDEBURNS IS TO DIE FOR!!!!) ~ The officer determined to give him lice - no matter what!  
  
Cosette: Miaka (Miaka and Kishuku, Cosette and Marius, hello?) ~ Valjean's adopted daughter  
  
Marius: Kishuku (See above) ~ A young student rebel in love with Cosette  
  
Eponine: Yui (It's the Fushigi Yuugi triangle!!) ~ The daughter of Thénardier, who is supposed to be in love with Marius, but actually finds that she'd like to bestow her affections on Gavroche (Hey this is Shunkaku/Yui ya know!)  
  
Gavroche: Shunkaku (Swearing problems. And try picturing Shun as Gavvy. HA!) ~ A young beggar with attitude   
  
Monsieur Thénardier: Chuin (The Thénardiers not fond of one another) ~ A crooked innkeeper  
  
Madam Thénardier: Kaen (You have to know Mm Thénardier to get this - it will become clear) ~ His wife, who also has severe swearing problems. In fact, Genrou would have made a good Mm Thénardier. Oh well, don't care.   
  
Fantine: Koutoku (Innocents to begin with they both were) ~ A young woman abandoned by the man she loved, then discovered she was pregnant. She was Cosette's mother  
  
Bishop of Digne: Houjun (HELLLOOOOO!!! Holy people!!) ~ A bishop who took Valjean in and changed his life drastically   
  
Enjolras: Ryuuen (Enjolras beats up on Grantaire) ~ The leader of the rebelling students  
  
Grantaire: Genrou (Both alcoholics) ~ Enjolras' "pal" (AKA useful thing to hit when he's stressed out)  
  
Young Cosette: Douken (True innocents. Besides, they're both cutely pathetic *makes face*) ~ Cosette as a small girl   
  
Students:   
Combeferre: Emtato  
Courfeyrac: Chamka  
Feuilly: Myoujuan  
Prouvaire: Midori  
Lesgles: Kasaru  
Joly: Ryusaburo  
  
My PROFUSE apologies to the real students, because I had not read the book when I wrote this, and did not really cast them in correct parts. *blush* Sorry... Some of the students WILL be making appearances...  
  
*grin* Replacements, and other Extras: The FY members not covered - such as Doulin, Taiitsukun, blah blah blah...  
  
Extra, extra, read all about it! Enjolras is stalking Valjean! And that same peaceful man (Valjean) wants the death of Marius!! Eponine is in love with Gavroche, and Eponine and Marius hate each other's guts!!  
  
(Setting: A stage, somewhere in Yuugi Broadway. The theatre is packed)  
  
(Ryuuen walks onstage)  
  
Ryuuen: We are proud to welcome you to our production of Les Miserables. I am Ryuuen Chou, and I play Enjolras in the following show. I am also the assistant director, while KoK *KoK walks onstage and bows* is our director. We would like to dedicate this to Victor Hugo, my girlfriend Taira - *waves* Hi Taira, ya out there? - and also to Sai, and Koutoku. *wink* Those last two are courtesy KoK and me. And Taira, don't look so sad. I'm bi, remember? *grin* There will be one intermission. We ask that any fangirls in the audience not scream too loudly when Sai takes off his shirt. And here we are at...PART ONE!! This is the first half, in which you are introduced to half the main characters. And now....TO BEGIN!!  
  
(Curtain rises)  
  
(Music starts)  
  
Work Song / Look Down  
  
PRISONERS  
Look down, look down  
Don't look 'em in the eye  
Look down, look down,  
You're here until you die  
  
CONVICT ONE (Emtato)  
The sun is strong  
It's hot as hell below  
I live in northern climates!!  
  
PRISONER   
Look down, look down,  
There's twenty years to go  
And quit whining, eyepatch boy!  
  
CONVICT TWO (Kasaru)  
I've done no wrong!  
Dear Byakko, hear my prayer!  
My seeds are dying!  
  
PRISONERS  
Look down look down,  
Dear Byakko doesn't care  
Especially not about your accursed plants  
  
CONVICT THREE (Chamka)  
I know she'll wait,  
I know that she'll be true!  
I protected Takiko for years!  
  
PRISONERS  
Look down, look down,  
They've all forgotten you  
Besides which, Takiko is dead  
  
CONVICT FOUR (Lanva)  
When I get free ya won't see me  
Here for dust!  
I'll be too busy chasing after girls!  
  
PRISONERS  
Look down, look down  
Don't look 'em in the eye  
And who would want a guy with numbers tattooed on his chest?  
  
CONVICT FIVE (Midori)  
How long, oh Lord  
Before you let me die?  
Or at lease give me my rattle back!  
  
PRISONERS  
Look down, look down,  
You'll always be a slave  
Look down, look down,  
You're standing in your grave  
And you're an evil baby!  
  
JAVERT (Ayuru)  
Now bring me prisoner 24601  
Your time is up  
And your parole's begun  
You know what that means.  
  
VALJEAN (Saihitei)  
Yes, it means I'm free.  
Free to take a shower again!   
And perm my hair   
And be pampered   
And-  
  
JAVERT (Ayuru)  
No!  
It means you get  
Your yellow ticket-of-leave  
You are a thief  
You are too vain for your own good  
  
VALJEAN (Saihitei)  
I stole a bottle of shampoo.  
  
JAVERT (Ayuru)  
You robbed a house.  
  
VALJEAN (Saihitei)  
I broke a windowpane.  
My hair was close to death  
And I had lice!  
  
JAVERT (Ayuru)  
You will have lice forever  
Unless you learn the meaning of the law.  
  
VALJEAN (Saihitei)  
I know the meaning of those 19 years  
A slave of the law  
  
JAVERT (Ayuru)  
Five years for what you did  
The rest because you tried to run  
Yes, 24601.  
  
VALJEAN (Saihitei)  
My name is Jean Valjean the Clean  
  
JAVERT (Ayuru)  
And I am Javert the Lice-Breeder!  
Do not forget my name!  
Do not forget me,  
24601.  
*to himself*   
Valjean the Clean, huh. I'll see him with lice yet!!  
  
PRISONERS  
Look down, look down  
You'll always be a slave  
Look down, look down  
You're standing in your grave.  
  
VALJEAN (Saihitei)  
Freedom is mine. The earth is still.  
I feel the wind. I breathe again.  
And the sky clears  
The world is waking.  
Drink from the pool. How clean the taste.  
I can wash!!  
Never forget the years, the waste.  
Nor forgive them  
For what they've done.  
They are the guilty - everyone.  
My poor hair!  
My beautiful body!  
A victim of those years of uncleanliness!  
The day begins...  
And now let's see  
What this new world  
Will do for me!  
Maybe I'll make my own brand of conditioner!  
  
(He finds work in a hair-care products factory)  
  
MANAGER (Kasaru)  
You'll have to go  
I'll pay you off for the day  
Collect your bits and pieces there  
And be on your way.  
  
VALJEAN (Saihitei)  
You show up everywhere, don't you?  
Anyway  
You have given me half  
What the other men get!  
This handful of tin  
Wouldn't buy my sweat!  
Not that I have any  
I am perfectly clean  
  
LABORER (Lanva)  
You broke the law  
It's there for people to see  
Why should you get the same  
As honest men like me?  
  
VALJEAN (Saihitei)  
You're here too!! You were in prison with me!  
  
LABORER (Lanva)  
I'm an extra. I do odd jobs. I'm also honest  
  
VALJEAN (Saihitei)  
Now every door is closed to me  
Another jail. Another key. Another chain  
For when I come to any town  
They check my papers  
And they find the mark of Cain  
In their eyes I see their fear  
`We do not want you here.'  
I'll never be able to make my own brand of conditioner!!  
*breaks down sobbing*  
  
(He comes to an inn)  
  
INKEEPER'S WIFE (Doulin)  
My rooms are full  
And I've no supper to spare  
I'd like to help a stranger  
All we want is to be fair  
  
VALJEAN (Saihitei)  
I will pay in advance  
I can sleep in a barn  
You see how dark it is  
I'm not some kind of dog!  
  
INNKEEPER (Lanva)  
You leave my house  
Or feel the weight of my rod  
We're law-abiding people here  
Thanks be to Byakko.  
  
VALJEAN (Saihitei)   
AHHHHH!!!! You again! You're everywhere!!  
  
INKEEPER (Lanva)  
Yup. He's crazy.  
  
(They throw him out of the inn)  
  
VALJEAN (Saihitei)  
And now I know how freedom feels  
The jailer always at your heels  
It is the law!  
This piece of paper in my hand  
That makes me cursed throughout the land  
It is the law!  
Like a cur  
I walk the street,  
The dirt beneath their feet.  
Without even a hot shower!  
The world is cruel!  
  
(He sits down despairingly outside a house from which emerges the Bishop of Digne.)  
  
BISHOP (Houjun)  
Come in, Sir, for you are weary,  
And the night is cold out there no da!  
Though our lives are very humble  
What we have, we have to share no da!  
There is wine here to revive you no da!  
Genrou agrees too na no da  
There is bread to make you strong,  
There's a bed to rest till morning,  
Rest from pain, and rest from wrong no da!  
I'll even give you a bath na no da  
  
VALJEAN (Saihitei)  
He let me have a lovely shower  
He let me use as much water as I wanted  
The shampoo in my hand  
Cost twice what I had earned  
In all those nineteen years -  
That lifetime of despair  
And yet he trusted me.  
The old fool trusted me -  
He'd done his bit of good  
I played the grateful serf  
And thanked him like I should  
But when the house was still,  
I got up in the night.  
Took the shampoo!  
Took my flight!  
  
(Taking the bottles of shampoo, he runs off, but is brought back by two constables.)  
  
Valjean Arrested, Valjean Forgiven  
  
CONSTABLE ONE (Ryusaburo)  
*barks*  
  
TRANSLATING MACHINE  
Tell his reverence your story  
  
CONSTABLE TWO (Midori)  
Let us see if he's impressed  
  
CONSTABLE ONE (Ryusaburo)  
*barks*  
  
TRANSLATING MACHINE  
You were lodging here last night  
  
CONSTABLE TWO (Midori)  
You were the honest Bishop's guest.  
  
CONSTABLE ONE (Ryusaburo)  
*barks*  
  
TRANSLATING MACHINE  
And then, out of Taikyoku-zan goodness  
  
CONSTABLE TWO (Midori)  
When he learned about your plight  
  
CONSTABLE ONE (Ryusaburo)  
*barks*  
  
TRANSLATING MACHINE  
You maintain he made a present of this shampoo.  
  
BISHOP (Houjun)  
That is right no da  
But my friend you left so early  
Surely something slipped your mind no da  
  
(The bishop gives Valjean two silver hairbrushes)  
  
You forgot I gave these also  
Would you leave the best behind no da?  
So, Messieurs, you may release him  
For this man has spoken true no da!  
I commend you for your duty  
Suzaku's blessings go with you no da  
  
(Constables leave. The bishop addresses Valjean)  
  
But remember this, my brother:  
See in this some higher plan no da  
You must use this precious silver  
To become an honest man no da  
By the witness of the Nyan-nyans,  
By the kasa and shakujo,  
I have raised you out of darkness no da!  
I have bought your soul for Suzaku no da!  
  
Houjun: Bye, Heika no da!! Come back later and I'll organize the army with you no da!  
Saihitei: Thanks, Houjun. These are lovely hairbrushes too...  
Houjun: Glad you like them no da! See ya soon no da!  
Saihitei: Note to self. Find a way to get Houjun to drop the no da...  
  
What Have I Done? (Valjean's Soliloquy)  
  
VALJEAN (Saihitei)  
What have I done?  
Sweet Suzaku, what have I done?  
Become a thief in the night,  
Become a dog on the run  
And have I fallen so far,  
And is the hour so late  
That nothing remains but the cry of my hate,  
The cries in the dark that nobody hears,  
Here where I stand at the turning of the years?  
  
If there's another way to go  
I missed it twenty long years ago  
My life was a war that could never be won  
They gave me a number and murdered Valjean  
When they chained me and left me in goo  
Just for stealing a jar of shampoo  
  
Yet why did I allow that man  
To touch my soul and teach me love?  
He treated me like any other  
He gave me his trust  
He called me brother  
My life he claims for Suzaku  
Can such things be?  
For I had come to hate the world  
This world that always hated me  
Made me unclean!  
Broke my heart as it ruined my hair!  
  
Take a hair for a hair!  
Turn your heart into soap!  
This is all I have lived for!  
This is all I have known!  
  
One word from him and I'd be back  
Hair full of lice, too many to smack  
Instead he offers me my cleanliness  
I feel my shame inside me like a knife  
He told me that I have a soul,  
How does he know?  
What spirit comes to move my life?  
Is there another way to go?  
  
I am reaching, but I fall  
And the night is closing in  
And I stare into the void  
To the whirlpool of my sin  
I'll escape now from the world  
From the world of Jean Valjean  
Jean Valjean is nothing now  
Another (clean) story must begin!  
  
(He tears up his yellow ticket-of-leave)  
  
At The End Of The Day  
  
(1823, Montreuil-sur-Mer. Outside the hair-care products factory owned by the Mayor, Monsieur Madeleine (Jean Valjean in disguise).)  
  
THE POOR  
At the end of the day you're another day older  
And that's all you can say for the life of the poor  
It's a struggle, it's a war  
And there's nothing that anyone's giving  
One more day standing about, what is it for?  
One day less to be living.  
  
At the end of the day you're another day colder  
And the shirt on your back doesn't keep out the chill  
And the righteous hurry past  
They don't hear the little ones crying  
And the winter is coming on fast, ready to kill  
One day nearer to dying!  
  
At the end of the day there's another day dawning  
And the sun in the morning is waiting to rise  
Like the waves crash on the sand  
Like a storm that'll break any second  
There's a hunger in the land  
There's a reckoning still to be reckoned and  
There's gonna be hell to pay  
At the end of the day!  
  
(The foreman and workers, including Fantine, emerge from the factory)  
  
FOREMAN (Lanva)  
At the end of the day you get nothing for nothing  
Sitting flat on your butt doesn't buy any bread  
*looks at Fantine* Cute one though  
  
ENJOLRAS (Ryuuen)  
Lanvaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!! *punches him into the wall*  
Next time do it right!   
He's a boy wearing girl's clothes anyway!  
Kinda like me  
Except I do it all the time.   
Had to make exceptions for the play  
  
WORKER ONE (Myoujuan)  
There are children back at home  
  
WORKERS ONE AND TWO (Myoujuan and Kasaru)  
And the children have got to be fed  
  
WORKER TWO (Kasaru)  
And you're lucky to be in a job  
  
WOMAN (Taiitsukun)  
And you're not dead!  
  
WORKERS  
And we're counting our blessings!  
  
WOMAN TWO (Doulin)  
Have you seen how the foreman is fuming today?  
With his terrible breath and his wandering hands?  
  
WOMAN THREE (Suzuno)  
*stares* What am I doing here?  
*Doulin shoves a script into her hands*   
*reading, bewildered*  
It's because little Fantine won't give him his way  
  
WOMAN TWO (Doulin)  
Take a look at his trousers; you'll see where he stands!  
  
WOMAN FOUR (Takiko)  
Aren't I supposed to be dead?  
Why am I...?  
*Doulin hands her a script as well*   
And the boss, he never knows  
That the foreman is always in heat  
...What exactly is this?  
  
WOMAN THREE (Suzuno)  
*shrugs*  
If Fantine doesn't look out  
Watch how she goes  
She'll be out on the street!  
  
WORKERS   
At the end of the day it's another day over  
With enough in your pocket to last for a week  
Pay the landlord, pay the shop  
Keep on grafting as long as you're able  
Keep on grafting till you drop  
Or it's back to the crumbs off the table  
You've got to pay your way  
At the end of the day!  
  
GIRL (Gyokuren) (politely taking a letter from Fantine)  
An'...what have we here...li'le innocent sister?  
Come on Fantine, lessave all the news!  
  
(Reading the letter)  
  
*haltingly, because she's not really good at reading*  
Ooh... "Dear...Fantine...you mus' sen' us more...money...  
Your...child needs a...a...a doctor...  
There's no time to...lose..."  
  
FANTINE (Koutoku)  
Give that letter to me  
It is none of your business  
With a husband at home  
And a bit on the side!  
*stare* Wait, is she OLD enough to be married?  
  
ENJOLRAS (Ryuuen)  
Just say your lines!  
  
FANTINE (Koutoku)  
You don't come on till much later...  
  
ENJOLRAS (Ryuuen)  
I'm here to see if I can stalk Valjean  
  
FANTINE (Koutoku)  
......Oh...... *continues his part*  
Is there anyone here  
Who can swear before Suzaku  
She has nothing to fear?  
She has nothing to hide?  
*pause*  
The script says I'm to fight her, but I don't really wanna fight a little girl  
  
ENJOLRAS (Ryuuen)  
Then pretend!!  
  
*They fall into some really fake fighting that is actually Ami tickling Gyokuren*  
  
(Valjean (M. Madeleine) rushes on to break up the "squabble".)  
  
VALJEAN (Saihitei)  
Will someone...um...tear these two apart?  
What is this...fighting all about?  
This is a factory, not a circus!  
Now, come on *cough* ladies, settle down  
I run a business of repute  
I am the Mayor of this town  
  
(Turns to the foreman embedded in the wall)  
  
AHHHHH!!! It's YOU again!!! You're stalking me!!  
  
ENJOLRAS (Ryuuen)  
Actually, I'M the one stalking you  
  
VALJEAN (Saihitei)  
Oh dear...look, I'm just gonna say my line!  
  
(To Foreman)  
  
I look to you to sort this out  
And be as patient as you can-  
  
(He runs back into the factory)  
  
FOREMAN (Lanva - who has by now extracted himself from the wall)  
Now someone say how this began!  
  
GIRL (Gyokuren)  
At the en' of the day  
She's the one who began it!  
There's a kid that she's hiding  
In some little town  
There's a man she has to pay  
You can guess how she picks up the extra  
You can bet she's earning her keep  
Sleeping around  
And the boss wouldn't like it!  
I got it all right! And I didn't forget any lines...  
But,  
The boss wouldn't like what?  
Is it wrong for Koutoku-san to sleep?  
What's wrong with that?  
  
FANTINE (Koutoku)   
*buries his head in his hands*  
  
ENJOLRAS (Ryuuen)  
*cheerfully* Shoulda seen that coming as soon as ya cast her  
Gyokuren's only 9 years or so  
Or maybe she's 5 - wait, that's Yuiren  
But she's young and innocent, ya know!  
  
FANTINE (Koutoku)  
You aren't supposed to be here!  
  
ENJOLRAS (Ryuuen)  
Why not, I'm the assistant director?  
You need some help it's plain to see  
We can recast the girl as Shouka  
I'd forgotten she's here, cause she died, like me!  
  
FANTINE (Koutoku)  
Quit rhyming, monsieur! Please stop!  
It's getting on my nerves  
  
ENJOLRAS (Ryuuen)  
That's quite easy, considering you're a wimpy little flute boy!  
  
FANTINE (Koutoku)  
Wimpy, am I? You got it coming,   
You onnagata!  
I'm just gonna say my lines, and save the darn thing  
Since it's obvious that we're getting nowhere!  
We'll settle this after the show!  
*clears his throat and continues to sing*  
Yes it's true there's a child  
And the child is my daughter  
And her father abandoned us  
Leaving us flat  
Now she lives with an innkeeper man  
And his wife  
And I pay for the child  
What's the matter with that?  
  
WOMEN   
At the end of the day  
She'll be nothing but trouble  
And there's trouble for all  
When there's trouble for one!  
While we're earning our daily bread  
She's the one with her hands in the butter  
You must send the slut away  
Or we're all gonna end in the gutter  
And it's us who'll have to pay  
At the end of the day!  
  
FOREMAN (Lanva)  
I might have known the bitch could bite  
I might have known the cat had claws  
I might have guessed your little secret  
Ah yes, the virtuous Fantine  
Who keeps herself so pure and clean  
You'd be the cause I had no doubt  
Of any trouble hereabout  
You play a virgin in the light  
But need no urgin' in the night.  
  
FANTINE (Koutoku)  
I BEG your pardon!  
  
GIRL (Gyokuren)  
She's been laughing at you  
While she's having her men....  
Whassat mean?  
  
(Ryuuen runs onstage dragging a bemused Shouka behind him.)  
  
ENJOLRAS (Ryuuen)  
Here, I've got her, listen, Gyo-chan  
You don't need to be here, you can go now  
I've found someone to take your place  
(Someone who can save the show)  
You can leave now, you can go!  
  
GIRL (Gyokuren)  
Don't you want me to be in the play?  
  
ENJOLRAS (Ryuuen)  
Yes, but this part's not for you!  
Shouka will play it instead  
Be a good girl and we'll find you a role  
(Maybe someone who won't end up dead)  
  
GIRL (Gyokuren)  
Okay  
*wanders offstage, where Kishuku is waiting*  
  
Kishuku: Hey, imouto! Whatcha doing here?  
Gyokuren: I was playing a factory girl and I -  
Kishuku: RYUUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN!!!!! YOU CAST MY LITTLE SISTER AS WHAT???  
Ryuuen: A factory girl, why?  
Kishuku: You're going to pay, onnagata!  
Ryuuen: *holds up photographs* Blaaaaaackmaiiiiilllll...  
Kishuku: *pales* You have pictures of THAT!?!  
Ryuuen: *gringrin*  
Shouka: Ah, these men! We're never going to get anywhere! Start the music back up, Nyan-nyan; we'll do this play yet!  
Nyan-nyan: *grabs a conductor's wand and strikes up the orchestra*  
  
WOMEN  
She'll be nothing but trouble again and again  
  
WOMAN (Taiitsukun)  
You must sack her today  
  
FOREMAN (Lanva)  
And while I'm at it, I'll sack you too.   
You scare me!  
  
(Taiitsukun pulls out a mallet and whacks Lanva into the sky)  
  
WORKERS  
*smirking at his fate*  
Sack the girl today!  
  
FOREMAN (Lanva's been replaced by...say...the werewolf...)  
*barking*  
  
TRANSLATOR MACHINE  
Right my girl. On your way!  
  
I Dreamed A Dream  
  
(Fantine is left alone, unemployed and destitute)  
(This song belongs to Korin)  
(The background music fades into a flute and piano duet, playing the music for "I Dreamed A Dream". Koutoku, managing to look absolutely beautiful despite the fact that he's in drag, stands up on stage and begins to sing, his voice blending very well with the music)  
  
FANTINE (Koutoku)  
There was a time when men were kind  
When their voices were soft  
And their words inviting  
There was a time when love was blind  
And the world was a song  
And the song was exciting  
There was a time  
Then it all went wrong  
(A tear runs down his cheek as he begins to glow slightly)  
  
I dreamed a dream in time gone by  
When hope was high  
And life worth living  
I dreamed that love would never die  
I dreamed that God would be forgiving  
Then I was young and unafraid  
And dreams were made and used and wasted  
There was no ransom to be paid  
No song unsung, no wine untested  
(He kneels on the stage and raises his face toward the lights, and it becomes very obvious that he's crying. The music becomes softer so that his voice can be heard clearly and it is filled with emotion. The light coming from him shines brighter)  
  
But the tigers come at night  
With their voices soft as thunder  
As they tear your hope apart  
And they turn your dream to shame  
(He wraps his arms around himself and stands)  
  
He slept a summer by my side  
He filled my days with endless wonder  
He took my childhood in his stride  
But he was gone when autumn came  
(He reaches out a hand to someone who isn't there)  
  
And still I dream he'll come to me  
That we will live the years together  
But there are dreams that cannot be  
And there are storms we cannot weather  
(His eyes stream tears as his voice rises, and he is almost blinding to look at because of the white light)  
  
I had a dream my life would be  
So different from this hell I'm living  
(His voice rises to its pitch)  
So different now from what it seemed  
(He sings the last line really quietly, and the music fades to accent his words)  
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed.  
(The glow that came from him while he sang fades, and the Koutoku everyone knows walks offstage slowly as if in a trance. Shunkaku runs to meet him)  
  
Shunkaku: Aniki, aniki, that was beautiful!  
Koutoku: *quietly* Thanks, Shun. It was very hard to do  
Shunkaku: Why? You're a natural at acting!  
Koutoku: *sighs, and then tries to grin* Well, for one thing, I was playing a girl...  
Genrou: ANGST!!! You k'so angst people!!!! Would you shut up?  
Koutoku: Ah, gomen nasai, Gen-chan   
Shunkaku: HOW DARE YOU CALL MY ANIKI A KUSO ANGST PERSON???? OMAE O KOROSUUUU!!  
Genrou: *brandishes tessen* Lekka -  
Shunkaku: *pulls out ryuuseisui* Iku -  
Koutoku: *paralyses them with his flute* Quit fiiiiiiiiighting. It was fun to act, okay? But Gen-chan's right, it was angst. However, it was a wonderful part to play *eyes light up with the insane joy of angst*  
Genrou: Um....right....Okama, what's next?  
Ryuuen: *pouty face* We had to skip what would have gone here, because KoK-chan's okaa-san said that it wasn't right. She expressed her wishes that we not put this song in our play. Gees, parental restrictions!!  
KoK: I knowww!! She said 'you can know it, but you can't sing or use it'. Therefore. The bits that go in here that were edited out involve Fantine, having no other means by which to support herself and pay for her child, becomes a prostitute. She is then arrested by Javert for a attacking some guy who tried to rape her or something. (So informed, ain't I?) Then Valjean rescues her. Then he goes out for a stroll.  
Ryuuen: And we'll move right on to the Valjean piece that ensues! *drool* Heikaaaaaaaaa...  
  
The Runaway Cart  
  
(The crowd parts to reveal that a cart has crashed, trapping Monsieur Fauchelevant)  
  
VOICES  
Look at that!  
Look at that!  
It's Monsieur Fauchelevant!  
Don't approach! Don't go near!  
At the risk of your life!  
He is caught by the wheel!  
Oh, the pitiful man!  
Stay away, Turn away!  
There is nothing to do!  
There is nothing to do!  
  
VALJEAN (Saihitei)  
Is there anyone here  
Who will rescue the man?  
Who will help me to shoulder  
The weight of the cart?  
I need another man, so that my robe  
Won't get so dirty  
  
VOICES  
Don't go near him, Mr. Mayor  
The load is heavy as hell  
The old man's a goner for sure  
It'll kill you as well.  
  
(Valjean attempts to lift the cart... but fails. He tries again. They manage to pull Fauchelevant clear)  
  
FAUCHELEVANT (Lanva)  
M'sieur le Mayor, I have no words  
You come from Byakko, you are a saint.  
  
VALJEAN (Saihitei)  
Ahhhhhhhh!! It's him!! He's after me!! Helllllllllllllllp!!! *moan*  
  
(Javert takes Valjean aside)  
  
JAVERT (Ayuru)  
Calm down, Sir!  
Can this be true?  
I don't believe what I see!  
A man your age  
(Valjean looks very offended)  
To be as strong as you are!  
A memory stirs...  
You make me think of a man  
From years ago  
A man who broke his parole  
He disappeared  
Forgive me, Sir,  
I would not dare!  
  
VALJEAN (Saihitei)  
Say what you must  
Don't leave it there...  
  
JAVERT (Ayuru)  
I have only known one other  
Who can do what you have done  
He's a convict from the chain gang  
He's been ten years on the run  
But he couldn't run forever  
Stole a bottle of high-quality shampoo  
Just for his dirty hair  
We have found his hideaway  
And he's just been re-arrested  
And he comes to court today.  
Well, of course he now denies it  
You'd expect that of a `con'  
But he couldn't run forever -  
No, not even Jean Valjean!  
He'll finally get the lice he deserves!  
  
VALJEAN (Saihitei)  
You say this man denies it all  
And gives no sign of understanding or repentance?  
You say this man is going to trial  
And that's he's sure to be returned  
To serve his sentence? *shudder*  
Come to that, can you be sure,  
That I am not your man?  
I am beautiful  
And truly care about my hair!  
I also could be he of whom you speak!  
  
JAVERT (Ayuru)  
I have known the thief for ages  
Tracked him down through thick and thin  
And to make the matter certain  
There's the brand upon his skin  
He will bend, he will break  
This time there is no mistake.  
He'll get lice at last!  
  
(Javert leaves. Valjean is alone)  
  
Who Am I? - The Trial  
  
VALJEAN (Saihitei)  
He thinks that man is me  
He knew him at a glance!  
That stranger he has found  
This man could be my chance!  
  
Why should I save his hair?  
Why should I right this wrong  
When I have come so far  
And struggled for so long?  
  
If I speak, I am *gulp* condemned.  
If I stay silent, I am damned!  
  
I am the master of hundreds of workers.  
They all look to me.  
How can I abandon them?  
How would they live  
If I am not free?  
How would the world keep turning without  
My conditioner and me?  
  
If I speak, I am *shudder* condemned.  
If I stay silent, I am damned!  
  
Who am I?  
Can I condemn this man to lice-ery  
Pretend I do not feel his agony  
This innocent who bears my face  
Who goes to judgement in my place  
Who am I?  
Can I conceal myself for evermore?  
Pretend I'm not the man I was before?  
And must my name until I die  
Be no more than an alibi?  
Must I lie?  
How can I ever face my fellow men?  
How can I ever face myself again?  
My soul belongs to Suzaku, I know  
I made that bargain long ago  
He gave me hope when hope was gone  
He gave me strength to journey on  
  
(He appears in front of the court)  
  
Who am I? Who am I?  
I am Jean Valjean!  
  
(He removes his shirt to reveal the number tattooed to his chest. The fangirls in the audience scream, drool, and faint. Ryuuen looks irritated, because he told them not to scream that loud)  
  
And so Javert, you see it's true  
That man bears no more guilt than you!  
Who am I?  
24601!  
And I'm *convulsive shuddering* ready for my punishment  
  
Fantine's Death  
  
(Fantine is lying in a hospital bed, deliriously dreaming of her daughter Cosette)  
(Koutoku grins happily at the realization that there'll be another angst piece, and begins to sing, carefully getting rid of the happiness in his voice)  
  
FANTINE (Koutoku)  
Cosette, it's turned so cold  
Cosette, it's past your bedtime  
You've played the day away  
And soon it will be night.  
  
Come to me, Cosette, the light is fading  
Don't you see the evening star appearing?  
Come to me, and rest against my shoulder  
How fast the minutes fly away and every minute colder.  
  
Hurry near, another day is dying  
Don't you hear, the winter wind is crying?  
There's a darkness which comes without a warning  
But I will sing you lullabies and wake you in the morning.  
  
(Valjean enters)  
  
VALJEAN (Saihitei)  
Oh, Fantine, our time is running out  
But Fantine, I swear this on my life  
  
FANTINE (Koutoku)  
Look, M'sieur, where all the children play  
  
VALJEAN (Saihitei)  
Be at peace, be at peace evermore.  
  
FANTINE (Koutoku)  
My Cosette...  
  
VALJEAN (Saihitei)  
Shall live in my protection  
  
FANTINE (Koutoku)  
Take her now  
  
VALJEAN (Saihitei)  
Your child will want for nothing  
  
FANTINE (Koutoku)  
Good M'sieur, you come from Seiryuu-seikun.  
  
VALJEAN (Saihitei)  
And none shall ever harm Cosette  
As long as I am living.  
  
FANTINE (Koutoku)  
Take my hand. The night grows ever colder.  
  
VALJEAN (Saihitei)  
Then I will keep you warm.  
  
FANTINE (Koutoku)  
Take my child. I give her to your keeping.  
  
VAKJEAN (Saihitei)  
Take shelter from the storm  
  
FANTINE (Koutoku)  
For God's sake, please stay till I am sleeping  
And tell Cosette I love her  
And I'll see her when I wake...  
  
(She dies with a smile. Javert arrives)  
  
(Ryuuen runs onstage quickly to Sai and Koutoku)  
Ryuuen: You do it so great! I mean, you're practically the only people who can really do the serious songs seriously!! *places a rose in Koutoku's hands* You know something, flute boy, you're a good kid.   
Koutoku: (in a fit of over-angst) I'm sorry for fighting with you, Ryuu-chan.  
Ayuru: *taps foot impatiently* I have a song, people, I have a song...  
Ryuuen: Oh shut up and let the angst birdies have their fun. *to Koutoku* Yeah, me too. Now you listen to me, Kou. You better win that scholarship to the music academy, you hear? *strangle-hugs him*  
Koutoku: Got...it...Ryuu-chan, you're...strangling me...  
Ryuuen: Oh, whoops!  
Saihitei: What about me? You're supposed to like me, Ryuu-chan  
Ryuuen: You too, Heika *glomp*  
Ayuru: Hellllllllooooo, okama, we have a song!  
Ryuuen: The term is onnagata, got it? Now go ahead, sing, since you're so bent on it!  
  
The Confrontation  
  
JAVERT (Ayuru)  
Valjean, at last,  
We see each other clear  
`M'sieur le Mayor,'  
Just look what I've got here!  
*holds up jar of lice*  
  
VALJEAN (Saihitei)  
Before you say another word, Javert  
Before you fill my hair with pestilence again  
Listen to me! There is something I must do.  
This...woman leaves behind a suffering child.  
There is none but me who can intercede,  
In Mercy's name, three days are all I need.  
Then I'll return, I pledge my word.  
Then I'll return...  
  
JAVERT (Ayuru)  
You must think me mad!  
I've hunted you across the years  
A man like you can never change  
A man such as you.  
  
VALJEAN (Saihitei) (in counterpoint)  
Believe of me what you will  
There is a duty that I'm sworn to do  
You know nothing of my life  
All I did was try to look nice  
You know nothing of the world  
You would sooner see me with lice  
But not before I see this justice done  
I am warning you Javert  
I'm a stronger man by far  
There is power in me yet  
My race is not yet run  
I am warning you Javert  
There is nothing I won't dare  
If I have to kill you here  
I'll do what must be done!  
  
JAVERT (Ayuru) (in counterpoint)  
Men like you can never change  
Men like you can never change  
No,  
24601  
My duty's to the law - you have no Rights  
Come with me 24601  
Now the wheel has turned around  
Jean Valjean is nothing now  
Dare you talk to me of crime  
And the price you had to pay  
Every man is born in sin  
Every man must choose his way  
You know nothing of Javert  
I was born inside a jail  
I was born with lice like you  
I am from that gutter too!  
  
(Valjean breaks a chair and threatens Javert with the broken piece. Turns to Fantine)  
  
VALJEAN (Saihitei)  
(to Fantine) And this I swear to you tonight  
  
JAVERT (Ayuru)  
(to Valjean) There is no place for you to hide  
  
VALJEAN (Saihitei)  
Your child will live within my care  
  
JAVERT (Ayuru)  
Wherever you may hide away  
  
VALJEAN (Saihitei)  
And I will raise her to the (clean, lice-free) light.  
  
VALJEAN AND JAVERT (Saihitei and Ayuru)  
I swear to you, I will be there!  
  
(They fight, Javert is knocked out. Valjean escapes)  
Ryuuen: *offstage* You made a great dead body, flute boy!  
Koutoku: *grin*  
  
(Scene changes with Taiitsukun and Chuin effects)  
  
Classroom On A Cloud  
  
(Young Cosette is working as a drudge in the Thénardier's inn at Montfermeil)  
  
YOUNG COSETTE (Douken)  
There is a classroom on a cloud,  
I like to go there in my sleep,  
Aren't any floors for me to sweep,  
Not in my classroom on a cloud.  
  
There is a room that's full of books,  
There are a hundred math teachers,  
Nobody's ignorant or loud,  
Not in my classroom on a cloud.  
  
There is a lady all in white,  
Holds me and sings all about pi,  
She's nice to see and she's soft to touch,  
She says "Cosette, I'll teach you very much."  
  
I know a place where everyone loves algebra,  
I know a place where no one hates school.  
Hating school at all is not allowed,  
Not in my classroom on a cloud.  
  
Oh help! I think I hear them now,  
And I'm nowhere near finished sweeping and  
Scrubbing and polishing the floor.  
Oh, it's him! It's Monsieur!  
  
M. THENARDIER (Chuin)  
Now look who's here  
The little madam herself!  
Pretending once again she's been `so awfully good,'  
Better not let me catch you slacking  
Better not catch my eye!  
Ten rotten francs your mother sends me  
What is that going to buy?  
I'll never be able to afford any more face paint!  
Now take that pail  
My little `Mademoiselle'  
And go and draw some water from the well!  
Meanwhile, I must iron my   
Chinese Opera clothing  
  
We should never have taken you in in the first place  
How stupid the things that we do!  
Like mother like daughter, the scum of the street.  
No fashion sense at all!  
Eponine, come my dear, Eponine, let me see you  
You look very well in that new little blue hat  
Sets off your hair to an advantage  
There's some little girls who know how to behave  
And they know what to wear  
And I'm saying thank heaven for that.  
But please don't go and see that Gavroche boy again!  
  
Shunkaku: *offstage* I killed you once, and I can do it again, Chuin!!  
Chibi Yui AKA Young Eponine: *waves pompoms* Go Shunkaku, he's our man, if he can't do it, no one can!!  
Shunkaku: *faints from shock* Yu...i...sa...ma...  
  
M. THERNARDIER (Chuin)  
*rolls eyes*   
Stupid yoyo boy  
*sees Douken*  
Still there Cosette?  
Your tears will do you no good!  
I told you fetch some water from the well in the wood!  
  
YOUNG COSETTE (Douken)  
Please do not send me out alone  
Not in the darkness on my own!  
Not without even a textbook for protection  
  
M. THENARDIER (Chuin)  
Enough of that, or I'll forget to be nice!  
You heard me ask for something,  
And I never ask twice!  
Instead I stick feathers into people!  
  
(Young Eponine pushes Cosette out. M. Thénardier says good night to his daughter as the inn fills up for the evening)  
  
Ryuuen: *makes more faces* We've been banned from Master of the House as well.  
KoK: But that was my idea. I couldn't figure out what I was supposed to do for it. Besides I hate that song. At any rate, it's just the song about the inn. S'not that important. So we're skipping right to the Thénardier Waltz of Treachery.  
Ryuuen: *mutter* I WANTED to parody that song. Gees.   
  
The Thénardier Waltz of Treachery  
  
M. THENARDIER (Chuin)  
What to do? What to say?  
Shall you carry our treasure away?  
What a gem! What a pearl!  
Beyond rubies is our little girl!  
How can we speak of debt?  
Let's not haggle for darling Colette!  
  
VALJEAN (Saihitei)  
CoSette!  
  
M. THENARDIER (Chuin)  
*coughs*  
Dear Fantine, gone to rest...  
Have we done for her child what is best?  
Shared our clams. Shared each bone.  
Treated her like she's one of our own!  
Like our own, Monsieur!  
  
VALJEAN (Saihitei)  
Your feelings do you credit, sir  
And I will ease the parting blow  
(He pays them)  
Let us not talk of bargains or bones or greed  
Now, may I say, we are agreed?  
  
MME. THENARDIER (Kaen)  
That would quite fit the bill  
If she hadn't so often been ill  
Little dear, cost us dear  
Medicines are expensive, M'sieur  
Not that we begrudged a sou  
It's no more than we *cough* good citizens must do!  
  
M. & MME. THENARDIER (Chuin and Kaen)  
One thing more, one small doubt  
There are treacherous people about  
No offence. Please reflect.  
Your intentions may not be correct?  
  
VALJEAN (Saihitei)  
He - ck, I'm not a child molester!  
*sigh* Good thing I'm the emperor and have a lot of money.  
No more words. Here's your price.  
Fifteen hundred for your sacrifice.  
Come, Cosette, say goodbye  
Let us seek out some friendlier sky.  
Thank you both for Cosette  
It won't take you too long to forget.  
  
(Valjean and Cosette leave the inn)  
  
Come, Cosette, come, my dear  
From now on I will always be here  
Where I go, you will be.  
  
YOUNG COSETTE (Douken)  
Will there be teachers and textbooks to see?  
  
VALJEAN (Saihitei)  
Yes, Cosette, yes, it's true.  
There's a textbook just waiting for you.  
  
VALJEAN & YOUNG COSETTE (Saihitei and Douken)  
La la la la la...  
  
Look Down  
  
(1832. The teeming, squalid streets of Paris. Beggars, urchins, prostitutes, students, etc.)  
  
BEGGARS  
Look down and see the beggars at your feet  
Look down and show some mercy if you can  
Look down and see the sweepings of the street  
Look down, look down,  
Upon your fellow man!  
  
GAVROCHE (Shunkaku)  
'Ow do you do? My name's Gavroche.  
These are my people. Here's my patch  
Not much to look at, nothing posh  
Nothing that you'd call up to scratch.  
This is my school, my high society  
Here in the slums of Saint Michele  
We live on crumbs of humble piety  
Tough on the teeth, but what the hell!  
Think you're psycho?  
Think you're free?  
Follow me! Follow me!  
  
BEGGARS  
Look down and show some mercy if you can  
Look down, look down, upon your fellow man!  
  
(An old beggar woman finds a young prostitute occupying her pitch)  
  
OLD BEGGAR WOMAN (Taiitsukun)  
What you think yer at?  
Hanging round me pitch?  
If you're new around here, girl  
You've got a lot to learn!  
  
YOUNG PROSTITUTE (Doulin)   
*makes faces at Taiitsukun*  
Listen you old bat...  
Crazy bloody witch...  
'Least I give me customers  
Some pleasure in return!  
  
OLD BEGGAR WOMAN (Taiitsukun)  
I know what you give!  
Give 'em all the pox!  
Spread around your poison  
Till they end up in a box.  
  
PIMP (Lanva)  
Leave the poor old cow,  
Move it, Madeleine.  
She used to be no better  
Till the clap got to her brain.  
  
(Saihitei is having an apoplectic fit offstage. "It's HIM again!")  
  
BEGGARS  
When's it gonna end?  
When we gonna live?  
Something's gotta happen now or  
Something's gonna give  
It'll come, it'll come, it'll come  
It'll come, it'll come, it'll come  
  
ENJOLRAS (Ryuuen)  
Where the leaders of the land?  
Where are the swells who run this show?  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
Only one man - and that's Lamarque  
Speaks for these people here below.  
  
BEGGARS  
See our children fed  
Help us in our shame  
Something for a crust of bread  
In Holy Seiryuu's name  
  
URCHIN (Yuiren)  
In Seiryuu's   
Holy name.  
  
AUDIENCE   
AWWWWWWWWW!!!!!! *faint from the cuteness*  
  
BEGGARS  
In his name, in his name, in his name...  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
That's me little sister! Ain't she adorable? You can buy her for 70 gold yen.  
  
AUDIENCE   
WHAT??? Sell your LITTLE SISTER?  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
*from the corner off his eyes, catches Ryuuen's furious gestures and takes the hint*  
Naw!!  
*sweeps Yuiren into his arms*  
I wasn't serious! My wren is worth more than gold  
Or silver!  
*thrusts her into Ryuuen's arms*  
  
(Ryuuen in turn hands her offstage to Kourin.)  
Ryuuen: Take care of her, okay? And convince her that Ghost-boy was lying when he said he'd sell her  
Kourin: Okay. Now get out there, you've a line coming up  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
Lamarque is ill and fading fast!  
Won't last the week out, so they say.  
  
ENJOLRAS (Ryuuen)  
With all the anger in the land  
How long before the judgement day?  
Before we cut the fat ones down to size?  
Before the barricades arise?  
  
GAVROCHE (Shunkaku)  
Watch out for old Thénardier  
All of his family's on the make  
Once ran a seafood joint down the way  
Bit of a queer and no mistake  
He's got a gang  
The bleeding layabout  
Even his daughter does her share  
That's Eponine, she knows her way about   
She's beautiful beyond compare  
  
Yui: *offstage* How sweet! Thanks, Shun!  
  
GAVROCHE (Shunkaku)  
*winks*  
Do we care?  
Not a cuss  
Long live us.  
Long live us!  
*throws himself offstage*  
  
Shunkaku: Yui-sama! Hi!  
Yui: Uh...hi, Shun...  
Shunkaku: Would you like to go out with me? You can think about it during the play, and tell me afterwards, I could take you then!  
Yui: Okay...  
  
BEGGARS  
Look down and show some mercy if you can  
Look down, look down upon your fellow man!  
  
Stars  
  
JAVERT (Ayuru)  
This song is so out of character for me  
Why can't I ki blast the authoress?  
  
ENJOLRAS (Ryuuen)  
Because I'm assistant director   
And I say no destroying the theatre  
  
JAVERT (Ayuru)  
I'll send my werewolf after you again  
And see he kills you properly this time!  
  
ENJOLRAS (Ryuuen)  
Wall angel!  
  
JAVERT (Ayuru)  
What?  
*WHAM*  
*dizzily*  
Ohhhhhhh  
  
ENJOLRAS (Ryuuen)  
Curses. Now we need someone to sing Stars  
Hey!  
HEIIIIIKAAAAA!!!!!  
  
(Saihitei runs in)   
  
Saihitei: Yes?  
Ryuuen: We need a real handsome guy to sing Stars for us, and I was wondering -  
Saihitei: If I would?  
Ryuuen: Precisely, Heika. Just sing it all the way through. You have a gorgeous voice, so just sing!  
Saihitei: *preens* All right!  
  
JAVERT (Saihitei)  
There, out in the darkness  
A fugitive running  
Fallen from grace  
Fallen from grace  
God be my witness  
I never shall yield  
Till we come face to face  
Till we come face to face  
  
He knows his way in the dark  
Mine is the way of the Lice  
And those who follow the path of the bugs  
Will keep cons from looking nice  
And if they fall  
As Lucifer fell  
The flame  
The sword!  
  
Lice  
In your multitudes  
Scarce to be counted  
Filling the darkness  
With order and light  
You are the sentinels  
Silent and sure  
Keeping watch in the night  
Keeping watch in the night  
  
You know your place in the hair  
You hold your course and your aim  
And each in your season  
Returns and returns  
And is always the same  
And if you die as others have died  
You die in evil anti-lice shampoos!  
  
And so it has been and so it is written  
On the doorway to paradise  
That those who falter and those who fall  
Must pay the price!  
  
Lord let me find him  
That I may see him  
Never look niiiice!  
*growls to himself*  
I will never rest  
Till then  
This I swear  
This I swear by the lice!  
  
Ryuuen: That Javert fellow has ISSUES!!!  
(Saihitei walks offstage)  
Saihitei: Was that what you wanted, Ryuuen?  
Ryuuen: *gush* Perfect, Heika! You're a master!  
Saihitei: Oh, well, I know...  
Kishuku: And you're so modest, too.  
Saihitei: Why thank you  
Kishuku:......  
  
GAVROCHE (Shunkaku)  
That inspector thinks he's something  
But it's me who runs this town!  
And my theatre never closes  
And the curtain's never down  
Trust Gavroche, have no fear  
Don't you worry, 'Nii-san dear,  
You can always find me here!  
  
(He flings himself offstage again)  
Shunkaku: Aniki? 'Nii-san?   
Koutoku: Yes, Shun?  
Shunkaku: What's my next line, quick, tell me!  
Koutoku: You're not out until...towards the end of this next song.   
Shunkaku: My line, aniki, my line!  
Koutoku: LISTEN!  
Shunkaku: What? What?  
Koutoku: That's your line!  
Shunkaku: What is?  
Koutoku: LISTEN!  
Shunkaku: Listen to what, aniki?  
Koutoku: That's it, I give up.... *sigh*  
  
The ABC Cafe - Red and Black  
  
(The ABC Café, where the students, led by Enjolras, meet to discuss their revolutionary plans)  
  
COMBEFERRE (Emtato)  
At Notre Dame the sections are prepared!  
  
FEUILLY (Myoujuan)  
At Rue de Bac they're straining at the leash!  
*starry eyes* Leash makes me think of *gush* animals!!  
  
ENJOLRAS (Ryuuen)  
Knew we made a mistake letting someone who's half veterinarian  
Into this play of ours  
  
COURFEYRAC (Chamka)  
Students, workers, everyone  
There's a river on the run  
Like the flowing of the tide  
Paris coming to our side!  
  
ENJOLRAS (Ryuuen)  
The time is near  
So near it's stirring the blood in their veins!  
And yet beware  
Don't let the sake go to your brains!  
*glare* GEN-ROUUUUUUUU!!!!!  
For the army we fight is a dangerous foe  
With the men and the arms that we never can match  
It is easy to sit here and swat 'em like flies  
*evil grin* Genrou, come here, will ya?  
But the National Guard will be harder to catch.  
We need a sign  
To rally the people  
To call them to arms  
To bring them in line!  
  
*Genrou walks nervously over*  
Ryuuen: Gen-chaaan, how do YOU think one swats a fly? Maybe like THIS!  
*Genrou, still holding his sake cup, goes flying across the room into a wall*  
*Ryuuen grins*   
Ryuuen: Now, will we think twice before we keep drinking after we're told not to?  
Genrou: *dizzily* Yeah...whatever you say...okama... *passes out, combination sake and Ryuuen*  
  
(Marius enters, preventing further injuries on Genrou's part)  
  
ENJOLRAS (Ryuuen)  
Marius, you're late.  
  
JOLY (Ryusaburo)  
*undeterminable barking*  
  
TRANSLATOR MACHINE  
What's wrong today?  
You look as if you've seen a ghost.  
  
(Enter the REAL Joly.)  
  
JOLY (Joly)  
Oh. My. God.   
What did you DO to my character???  
  
ENJOLRAS (Ryuuen)  
Cast a werewolf in the part.   
Live with it, pal.  
  
JOLY (Joly)  
*sits down and sobs*  
*sniffle*  
.....Oh Lord, I've caught something!  
*points an accusing finger*  
I'm allergic to that...creature!!  
BOSSUET!!!  
*runs away screaming*  
  
ENJOLRAS (Ryuuen)  
Well then.  
  
GRANTAIRE (Genrou)  
*from the wall, sticks out a hand with a cup in it*  
Some sake and say what's going on!  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
A ghost you say... a ghost maybe  
She was just like a ghost to me  
One minute there, and she was gone!  
  
GRANTAIRE (Genrou)  
*cracks up, and fall out of the wall laughing*  
I am agog!  
I am aghast!  
Is Marius seen love at last?  
I've never heard him `ooh' and `aah'  
You talk of battles to be won  
And here he comes like Ry-uu-en  
It's better than an o-per-a!  
  
M. THENARDIER (Chuin)  
Opera?   
Mention you OPERA??  
*jumps onto the stage and begins to enact a scene from a Chinese opera*  
  
ENJOLRAS (Ryuuen)  
*throws him and Genrou into the wall*  
It is time for us all  
To decide who we are  
Do we fight for the right  
To a night at the opera now?  
  
M.THERARDIER (Chuin)  
*weakly*  
Opera! Yay!  
  
ENJOLRAS (Ryuuen)  
*glare*  
Have you asked of yourselves  
What's the price you might pay?  
Is it simply a game  
For rich young boys to play?  
The colour of the world  
Is changing day by day...  
  
Red - the blood of angry men!  
Black - the dark of ages past!  
Red - a world about to dawn!  
Black - the night that ends at last!  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
*besotted sigh*  
Had you been there tonight  
You might know how it feels  
To be struck to the bone  
In a moment of breathless delight!  
Had you been there tonight  
You might also have known  
How the world may be changed  
In just one burst of light!  
And what was right seems wrong  
And what was wrong seems right!  
  
GRANTAIRE (Genrou)  
Red...the blood of   
*WHAM*  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
I feel my soul on fire!  
  
COURFEYRAC (Chamka)  
*sigh* Black...  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
My world if she's not there!  
  
ALL  
Red...  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
The colour of desire!  
  
ALL  
Black...  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
The colour of despair!  
  
ENJOLRAS (Ryuuen)  
Marius, you're no longer a child  
(Although I know what it's like to be a hopeless romantic)  
I do not doubt you mean it well  
But now there is a higher call.  
Who cares about your lonely soul?  
(Besides Miaka)  
We strive toward a larger goal  
Our little lives don't count at all!  
  
GRANTAIRE (Genrou)  
I don't wanna die!!!!  
  
ENJOLRAS (Ryuuen)  
Quiet, Fang-boy!  
  
ALL  
Red - the blood of angry men!  
Black - the dark of ages past!  
Red - a world about to dawn!  
Black - the night that ends at last!  
  
ENJOLRAS (Ryuuen)  
Well, Courfeyrac, do we have all the guns?  
Feuilly, Combeferre, our time is running short.  
Grantaire, put the bottle down! Down! Down, I say! GENROUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!  
Do we have the guns we need?  
  
GRANTAIRE (Genrou)  
Give me sake on my breath  
And I'll breathe them all to death!  
  
COURFEYRAC (Chamka)  
*grinning* Yeah, right, Gen   
In St. Antoine they're with us to a man!  
  
COMBEFERRE (Emtato)  
*grinning as well* Well, I'd bet his breath's bad enough on its own  
In Notre Dame they're tearing up the stones!  
  
FEUILLY (Myoujuan)  
*small smile* It is, trust me,  
He wouldn't get out of my face the one time I tried to heal him  
Twenty rifles good as new!  
  
GRANTAIRE (Genrou)  
*indignant protest*  
I do not! I - you bloody healer!!  
Ryuuuu-chan!!  
  
ENJOLRAS (Ryuuen)  
What? Quit whining  
  
(Amid the chaos, Gavroche rushes in shouting)  
  
GAVROCHE (Shunkaku)  
Listen!  
  
JOLY (Ryusaburo)   
*barks*  
  
TRANSLATING MACHINE  
Twenty rounds for every man!  
  
JOLY (Joly)  
*depressed sniffles*  
  
GAVROCHE (Shunkaku)  
Listen to me!  
  
PROUVAIRE (Midori)  
Double that in Port St. Cloud!  
  
GAVROCHE (Shunkaku)  
Listen everybody!  
  
LESGLES (Kasaru)  
Seven guns in St. Martin!  
  
GAVROCHE (Shunkaku)  
Listen to me or I'll kill you too!!  
*everyone ignores him*  
GAHHHHH!!!!!!  
General Lamarque is dead!  
*immediate total silence*  
  
ENJOLRAS (Ryuuen)  
*grins like a maniac*  
Lamarque is dead.  
Lamarque! His death is the hour of fate.  
The people's man.  
His death is the sign we await!  
  
On his funeral day they will honour his name.  
It's a rallying cry that will reach every ear!  
In the death of Lamarque we will kindle the flame  
They will see that the day of salvation is near!  
The time is near!  
Let us welcome it gladly with courage and cheer  
Let us take to the streets with no doubt in our hearts  
But a jubilant shout  
They will come one and all  
They will come when we call!  
  
GRANTAIRE (Genrou)  
YEAH!!  
Eep...  
*cowers under Ryuuen's glare*  
  
Do You Hear The People Sing?  
  
ENJOLRAS (Ryuuen)  
Do you hear the people sing?  
Singing a song of angry men  
Hey, what is it with the obsession with this phrase anyway?  
It is the music of a people   
Who will not be slaves again!  
When the beating of your heart  
Echoes the beating of the drums  
There is a life about to start  
When tomorrow comes!  
  
COMBEFERRE (Emtato)  
Will you join in our crusade?  
Who will be strong and stand with me?  
Beyond the barricade  
Is there a world you long to see?  
Hey, I resent that quote; I'm blind in one eye!  
  
COURFEYRAC (Chamka)  
'Nii-chan, quit grousing!  
Then join in the fight  
That will give you the right to be free!  
  
COMBEFERRE (Emtato)  
*raises an eyebrow*  
Grousing? Where'd you pick that one up, otouto?  
  
ALL  
Do you hear the people sing?  
Singing a song of angry men?  
  
Ryuuen: Angry men again! What is with it?  
  
ALL  
It is the music of a people  
Who will not be slaves again!  
When the beating of your heart  
Echoes the beating of the drums  
There is a life about to start  
When tomorrow comes!  
  
FEUILLY (Myoujuan)  
*looks heroic*  
(Everyone falls over at Myoujuan looking heroic)  
Will you give all you can give  
So that our banner may advance?  
Some will fall and some will live  
Will you stand up and take your chance?  
The blood of the martyrs  
Will water the meadows of France!  
  
ALL  
We don't live in France!  
  
FEUILLY (Myoujuan)  
For the sake of rhyme!  
  
FEUILLY (Feuilly)  
FORGET FRANCE!! LET'S ALL MOVE TO POLAND!!   
  
(He is subdued by the security Nyan-nyans)  
  
ALL  
Do you hear the people sing?  
Singing a song of angry men?  
  
Ryuuen: It's those darned -   
  
ALL  
Don't say it!!!  
It is the music of a people  
Who will not be slaves again!  
When the beating of your heart  
Echoes the beating of the drums  
There is a life about to start  
When tomorrow comes!  
  
ENJOLRAS (Ryuuen)  
INTERMISSION!!! FOOD, EVERYBODY!!!   
  
(Miaka runs everybody down in a mad rush for the food tables)  
  
FEUILLY (Myoujuan)  
Anyone who needs to be healed, come to me, I'll fix you up.  
  
(People troop over to be healed)  
  
FANTINE (Koutoku)  
*drags himself over to Myoujuan*  
I've a broken leg, Juan-chan...  
*puts his head in his hands again*  
Why me? Why me?  
  
ENJOLRAS (Ryuuen)  
You're such a sweet chap, Kou.   
  
GAVROCHE (Shunkaku)  
SOMEBODY HURT ANIKIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!  
  
FANTINE (Koutoku)  
It's okay, Shun! Just got my leg broken by a mad shark during a feeding frenzy  
  
GAVROCHE (Shunkaku)  
.........  
I thought sharks couldn't go on dry land...  
  
FANTINE (Koutoku)  
*cries* 


	2. Second Part

Ryuuen: BEGINNING OF THE SECOND PART!!!!!!  
  
(Curtain raises)  
  
Rue Plumet- In My Life  
  
(Cosette stands in her garden on Rue Plumet)  
  
COSETTE (Miaka)  
How strange  
This feeling that my life's begun at last  
This change,  
Can people really fall in love so fast?  
What's the matter with you, Cosette?  
Have you been too much on your own?  
So many things unclear  
So many things unknown.  
And not enough sugar  
  
In my life  
There are so many questions and answers  
That somehow seem wrong  
In my life  
There are times when I catch in the silence  
The sigh of a faraway song  
And it sings  
Of a world that I long to see  
Out of reach  
Just a whisper away  
Waiting for me.  
The world made of food  
  
Does he know I'm alive?  
Do I know if he's real?  
Does he see what I saw?  
Does he feel what I feel?  
*blink* TAKAAAAAAAA!!!!  
  
Kishuku: I'm Kishuku in this life, Miaka-chan  
  
COSETTE (Miaka)  
In my life  
I'm no longer alone  
Now the love in my life  
Is so near  
Find me now, find me here!  
  
VALJEAN (Saihitei)  
Dear Cosette,  
You're such a lonely child  
How pensive, how sad you seem to me  
Believe me, were it within my power  
I'd fill each passing hour  
How quiet it must be, I can see  
With only me for company.  
But you could just look at me for hours,   
I'm gorgeous  
  
COSETTE (Miaka)  
There's so little I know  
That I'm longing to know  
Of the child that I was  
In a time long ago...  
There's so little you say  
Of the life you have known  
Why you keep to yourself  
Why we're always alone  
So dark! So dark and deep...  
The secrets that you keep!  
  
In my life  
I have all that I want  
You are loving and gentle and good  
But Papa, dear Papa,  
In your eyes I am just like a child  
Who is lost in a wood  
  
VALJEAN (Saihitei)  
A child? Heavens no!!   
(I want to marry you, dear)  
No more words  
No more words. It's a time that is dead  
There are words  
That are better unheard,  
Better unsaid.  
  
COSETTE (Miaka)  
In my life  
I'm no longer a child and I yearn  
For the truth that you know  
Of the years... years ago!  
*eyes widen* Marry me?   
  
VALJEAN (Saihitei)  
You will learn  
Truth is given by Suzaku  
To us all in our time  
In our turn  
Yes, marry you  
Think it over dear  
  
(Valjean leaves the garden. Marius and Eponine arrive outside)  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
In my life  
She has burst like the music of angels  
The light of the sun  
And my life seems to stop  
As if something is over  
And something has scarcely begun.  
Eponine  
You're the friend who has brought me here  
Thanks to you I am one with the gods  
And Heaven is near!  
And I soar through a world that is new that is free  
  
EPONINE (Yui)  
Every word that he says is a dagger in me!  
In my life  
There's been no one like him anywhere  
Anywhere, where he is...  
If he asked... I'd be his  
Yeah, right.  
Very poetic, Ghost-boy  
  
MARIUS & EPONINE (Kishuku and Yui)  
In my life  
There is someone who touches my life  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
Waiting near   
(And her name is Miaka)  
  
EPONINE (Yui)  
Waiting here   
(And his name is Shunkaku)  
  
A Heart Full of Love  
  
(Marius goes into the garden, leaving Eponine outside the gate)  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
A heart full of love  
A heart full of song  
I'm doing everything all wrong  
Sweet Suzaku, for shame  
I do not even know your name  
Dear Mad'moiselle  
Won't you say?  
Will you tell?  
  
COSETTE (Miaka)  
*hyperly*  
A heart full of love  
No fear, no regret  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
My name is Marius Pontmercy  
  
COSETTE (Miaka)  
And mine's...er, Ryuu-chan!!!  
  
ENJOLRAS (Ryuuen)  
Yes?  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
Your name is Ryuu-chan?  
  
COSETTE (Miaka)  
*to Kishuku* No, it's  
*to Ryuuen* What's the name of the character I'm playing again?  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
*blink*  
Your name is What'sthenameofthecharacterI'mplayingagain?  
  
ENJOLRAS (Ryuuen)  
It's Cosette  
  
COSETTE (Miaka)   
Thanks Ryuu-chan!  
*to Kishuku* It's Cosette  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
Cosette, I don't know what to say  
  
ENJOLRAS (Ryuuen)  
I'm somehow not surprised  
  
COSETTE (Miaka)  
Then make no sound  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
I am lost  
  
COSETTE (Miaka)  
I am found!  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
A heart full of light  
  
COSETTE (Miaka)  
A night bright as day  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
And you must never go away  
Cosette, Cosette  
  
COSETTE (Miaka)  
This is a chain we'll never break  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
Do I dream?  
  
COSETTE (Miaka)  
I'm awake!  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
A heart full of love  
  
COSETTE (Miaka)  
A heart full of you  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
A single look and then I knew  
  
COSETTE (Miaka)  
I knew it too  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
From today  
  
COSETTE (Miaka)  
Every day  
  
COSETTE & MARIUS (Miaka and Kishuku)  
For it isn't a dream  
Not a dream after all.  
  
Genrou: *offstage* They're actually doing the love scene well  
Houjun: *offstage* That's cause they love each other no da!  
Saihitei: *offstage* That is true  
Ryuuen: *offstage* You idiots!! Heika was listening!!!  
  
EPONINE (Yui) (Interjecting)  
He was never mine to lose  
Why regret what cannot be?  
(I sure don't)  
These are words he'll never say  
Not to me...  
Not to me...  
Not to me...  
(And ain't I glad?)  
  
His heart full of love  
He will never feel this way...  
(Thank Seiryuu!!!)  
  
(Marius and Cosette move away as Montparnasse enters furtively)  
  
The Attack On Rue Plumet  
  
EPONINE (Yui)  
'Parnasse, what are you doing  
So far out of our patch?  
  
MONTPARNASSE (Lanva)  
This house, we're going to do it  
Rich man, plenty of scratch  
You remember he's the one  
Who got away the other day  
Got a number on his chest  
Perhaps a fortune put away!  
By the way, 'Ponine, would you consider going out with me?  
We're lovers in fanfiction!  
  
(Saihitei passes out offstage: "He's baaaaack")  
  
EPONINE (Yui)  
Oh gods, somebody help me!  
*slaps Lanva in the face (Like what she did to Ayuru in manga 6))  
Seiryuu, what'll I do?  
He'll think this is an ambush  
He'll think I'm in it too!  
  
What'll I do, what'll I say?  
I've got to warn them here  
I've got to find a way.  
Poor Sai, he can't keep being attacked!  
  
(Thénardier arrives with the rest of his gang)  
  
THENARDIER (Chuin)  
This is his lair  
I've seen the old fox around  
He keeps himself to himself  
He's staying close to the ground  
I smell profit here!  
  
Ten years ago  
He came and paid for Cosette  
I let her go for a song  
It's time we settled the debt  
This'll cost him dear  
  
BRUJON (Midori)  
What do I care  
Who you should rob?  
Gimme my share  
Finish the job!  
  
THENARDIER (Chuin)  
You shut your mouth  
Give me your hand  
  
BRUJON (Midori)  
(catching sight of Eponine)  
What have we here?  
  
THENARDIER (Chuin)  
(not recognizing her)  
Who is this hussy?  
  
BABET (Chamka)  
*looks apologetically at her*  
It's your brat Eponine  
Don't you know your own kid?  
Why's she hanging about you?  
  
THENARDIER (Chuin)  
Eponine, get on home  
You're not needed in this  
We're enough here without you  
  
EPONINE (Yui)  
I know this house  
I tell you there's nothing here for you  
Just the old man and the girl  
They live ordinary lives  
  
VALJEAN (Saihitei)  
I AM NOT OLD!!!!!!! WHAT IS IT WITH YOU PEOPLE??????  
  
THENARDIER (Chuin)  
*moan* Ears, my earssss  
Don't interfere  
You've got some gall  
Take care, young miss,  
You've got a lot to say!  
So has that Emperor  
  
BRUJON (Midori)  
She's going soft  
  
CLAQUESOUS (Emtato)  
Happens to all  
  
MONTPARNASSE (Lanva)  
Go home, 'Ponine,  
Go home, you're in the way  
  
EPONINE (Yui)  
I'm gonna scream, I'm gonna warn them here.  
  
THENARDIER (Chuin)  
One little scream and you'll regret it for a year.  
  
EPONINE (Yui)  
Why you! Listen, you aren't even my father! I can file for child abuse, ya know!  
  
THENARDIER (Chuin)  
You wouldn't dare!  
  
EPONINE (Yui)  
Wouldn't I? Shun-chan, once you're through with Chuin, can you get him again?  
  
GAVROCHE (Shunkaku)  
*heroic pose*  
Of course! Anyone who harms you, Yui-sama, will pay!  
  
EPONINE (Yui)  
Thanks Shun-chan! You're sweet  
  
THENARDIER (Chuin)  
I swear, Yo-yo boy protecting you or not, I'm gonna get you for this!  
  
EPONINE (Yui)  
You can try, but you can't win!!  
  
CLAQUESOUS (Emtato)  
What a palaver  
What an absolute treat  
To watch a cat and its father  
Pick a bone in the street  
You tell him, Yui!!  
  
BRUJON (Midori)  
Not a sound out of you!  
  
EPONINE (Yui)  
Well I told you I'd do it, told you I'd do it...  
  
(She screams)  
  
THENARDIER (Chuin)  
You wait my girl, you'll rue this night  
I'll make you scream, you'll scream all right  
Leave her to me, don't wait around  
Make for the sewers, go underground!  
  
(The gang scatters. Marius and Cosette run back into the garden and he hurriedly introduces Eponine before she takes off)  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
It was your cry sent them away  
Once more 'Ponine saving the day  
Dearest Cosette - my friend 'Ponine  
Brought me to you, showed me the way!  
Someone is near  
Let's not be seen  
Somebody's here!  
  
(Marius leaves quickly with Eponine as Valjean enters)  
  
VALJEAN (Saihitei)  
Suzaku, Cosette!  
I heard a cry in the dark  
I heard the shout of angry voices in the street.  
  
COSETTE (Miaka)  
That was my cry you heard, Papa,  
I was afraid of what they'd do.  
They ran away when they heard my cry.  
Can we eat now?  
  
VALJEAN (Saihitei)  
Cosette, my child, what will become of you?  
  
COSETTE (Miaka)  
Three men I saw beyond the wall  
Three men in shadow moving fast  
  
VALJEAN (Saihitei)  
This is a warning to us all  
These are the shadows of the past  
  
Must be Javert!  
He's found my cover at last!  
I've got to get Cosette away  
Before they return!  
  
We must get away from shadows  
They will never let us be  
Tomorrow to Calais...  
And then a ship across the sea!  
  
Hurry, Cosette, prepare to leave and say no more,  
Tomorrow we'll away!  
Hurry, Cosette, it's time to close another door  
And live another day!  
  
COSETTE (Miaka)  
Oh not again! And after I finally learned my name!  
  
One Day More  
  
VALJEAN (Saihitei)  
One day more!  
Another day, another destiny.  
This never-ending road to Calvary;  
These men who seem to know my crime  
Will surely come a second time.  
One day more!  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
I did not live until today.  
How can I live when we are parted?  
  
VALJEAN (Saihitei)  
One day more.  
  
MARIUS & COSETTE (Kishuku and Miaka)  
Tomorrow you'll be worlds away  
And yet with you, my world has started!  
  
EPONINE (Yui)  
One more day all on my own.  
(Soon not to be that way, I'm sure)  
  
MARIUS & COSETTE (Kishuku and Miaka)  
Will we ever meet again?  
  
EPONINE (Yui)   
One more day with him not caring.  
(Yeah, not him, but HE cares! Shunkaku-kun! *Ryuuen-type gushing*  
  
MARIUS & COSETTE (Kishuku and Miaka)  
I was born to be with you.  
  
EPONINE (Yui)  
What a life I might have known.  
(If I hadn't wasted so many years on Ghost-boy)  
  
MARIUS & COSETTE (Kishuku and Miaka)  
And I swear I will be true!  
  
EPONINE (Yui)  
But he never saw me there!  
(But HE does)  
  
ENJOLRAS (Ryuuen)  
One more day before the storm!  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
Do I follow where she goes?  
  
ENJOLRAS (Ryuuen)  
At the barricades of freedom.  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
Shall I join my brothers there?  
  
ENJOLRAS (Ryuuen)  
When our ranks begin to form  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
Do I stay, and do I dare?  
  
ENJOLRAS (Ryuuen)  
Will you take your place with me?  
*grin* We can get the hopeless romantics in the same place!!  
  
ALL  
The time is now, the day is here  
  
VALJEAN (Saihitei)  
One day more!  
  
JAVERT (Ayuru)  
One more day to revolution,  
We will nip it in the bud!  
I will join these little schoolboys;  
They will wet themselves with blood!  
*evil laughter*  
  
VALJEAN (Saihitei)  
One day more!  
  
M. & MME. THENARDIER (Chuin and Kaen)  
Watch 'em run amuck,  
Catch 'em as they fall,  
Never know your luck  
When there's a free for all,  
Here a little `dip'  
There a little `touch'  
Most of them are goners  
So they won't miss much!  
  
Students (2 Groups)  
1: One day to a new beginning  
  
2: Raise the flag of freedom high!  
  
1: Every man will be a king  
  
2: Every man will be a king  
  
1: There's a new world for the winning  
  
2: There's a new world to be won  
  
ALL  
Do you hear the people sing?  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
My place is here, I fight with you!  
  
ENJOLRAS (Ryuuen)  
HOORAY FOR THE HOPELESS ROMANTICS CONVENTION!!!  
  
VALJEAN (Saihitei)  
One day more!  
  
MARIUS & COSETTE (Kishuku and Miaka)  
I did not live until today.  
  
EPONINE (Yui)  
One more day all on my own!  
Soon twill be with him, though!  
  
MARIUS & COSETTE (Kishuku and Miaka)  
How can I live when we are parted?  
  
EPONINE (Yui)  
*rolls eyes*  
You'll make it, Ghost-boy. Sadly  
  
JAVERT (Ayuru) (overlapping)  
I will join these people's heroes  
I will follow where they go  
I will learn their little Secrets,  
I will know the things they know.  
  
VALJEAN (Saihitei)  
One day more!  
How many times do I repeat this phrase anyway?  
  
MARIUS & COSETTE (Kishuku and Miaka)   
Tomorrow you'll be worlds away  
  
EPONINE (Yui)  
What a life I might have known!  
(And still will, probably)  
  
MARIUS & COSETTE (Kishuku and Yui)  
And yet with you my world has started  
  
JAVERT (Ayuru) (overlapping)  
One more day to revolution  
We will nip it in the bud  
We'll be ready for these schoolboys  
  
THENARDIERS (Chuin and Kaen) (overlapping)  
Watch 'em run amok  
Catch 'em as they fall  
Never know your luck  
When there's a free-for-all!  
  
VALJEAN (Saihitei)  
Finally!! Something besides "One day more"  
Tomorrow we'll be far away,  
Tomorrow is the judgment day  
  
ALL  
Tomorrow we'll discover  
What our animal gods have in store!  
One more dawn  
One more day  
One day more!  
  
Bring Him Home  
  
(Scene suddenly cuts to the already completed barricade)  
  
Audience: What the hell?  
Ryuuen: You'll see, you'll see. I shouldn't have done it, but how could I refuse my beloved Sai a favor?  
  
(Valjean is watching Marius at the barricade)  
  
VALJEAN (Saihitei)   
*grins* Revenge on the peasant will now be mine!  
*begins to sing*  
Suzaku on high  
Hear my prayer  
In my need  
You have always been there  
Brought me a miko  
Saved my kingdom  
  
He is young  
He's afraid   
(Coward)  
Let him rest  
Heaven blessed.  
Bring him home  
Bring him home  
Bring him home.  
Or if you're busy, that's okay too  
  
He's like the son I might have known  
If Suzaku had granted me a son.   
Wait....don't I have a son at home?  
The summers die  
One by one  
How soon they fly  
On and on  
And I am old  
I AM NOT OLD!!!  
And will be gone.  
And my beauty will never die, so there  
  
Bring him peace  
Bring him joy  
He is young  
He is only a boy  
While I am fully grown and ready to marry  
Now to kill him and get Miaka for myself  
  
You can take  
You can give  
Let him be  
Let him live  
Or if you don't want to, that's fine  
If I die, let me die  
While on the other hand,  
I'd love to be there for my son's third birthday  
  
Let him live  
Bring him home  
Bring him home  
Bring him home.  
But if you have a tight schedule, then feel free to slack off  
  
(Kishuku throws a rock at his head, resulting in a sort of amnesia, resulting in his not remembering that there is a play, and that he's playing a convict, resulting in some confusion come Here Upon These Stones)  
  
Here Upon These Stones (Building the Barricade)  
  
(Enjolras is addressing the revolutionaries)  
  
ENJOLRAS (Ryuuen)  
Here upon these stones  
We will build our barricade  
In the heart of the city  
We claim as our own!  
Each man, woman, hermaphrodite, or crossdresser to his or her or its duty  
*catches odd stares*  
Whaaaaaaat? Can't be sexist, can we?  
And don't be afraid.  
Wait! I will need a report  
On the strength of the foe.  
  
JAVERT (Ayuru) (disguised as a rebel)  
I can find out the truth  
I know their ways  
Fought their wars  
Served my time  
Killed their emperor  
Led their army  
In the days  
Of my youth.  
  
ENJOLRAS (Ryuuen)  
.................  
  
PROUVAIRE (Midori)  
Now the people will fight  
  
PROUVAIRE (Prouvaire)  
I would really like to question,   
Hair-wise  
Why you didn't cast him as Lesgles  
And the fellow who plays Lesgles  
As me?  
  
ENJOLRAS (Ryuuen)  
I thought we'd made that clear...  
WE LIKE TO TORTURE PEOPLE!!  
NOW CLEAR OFF, YOU LITTLE POETIC  
GATECRASHER! BACK IN THE AUDIENCE!!  
  
(Prouvaire backs off nervously)  
  
GRANTAIRE (Genrou)  
And so they might  
Dogs will bark  
Fleas will bite.  
Sake has some bite too!  
  
ENJOLRAS (Ryuuen)  
Genrouuuuuuuuu!!!!!!!  
  
LESGLES (Kasaru)  
They will do what is right!  
  
(Marius spots Eponine, who is dressed as a boy)  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
Hey, little boy, what's this I see?  
Suzaku, Yui, the things you do!   
Get a life and try therapy. Looking like a boy will not make you any more attractive to me. Now to Ryuuen, on the other hand...  
  
EPONINE (Yui)  
I know this is no place for me,  
Still, I would rather be with you!  
Rather be with you? What a joke! Shunkaku treats me WAY better than you do! And I'm not trying to attract you, Ghost-boy.  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
Get out before the trouble starts.  
Get out, 'Ponine, you might get shot!  
Actually, that's not necessarily a bad thing. Irritating hussy.  
  
EPONINE (Yui)  
I've got you worried now, I have  
That shows you like me quite a lot!  
Unfortunate things happen every day.   
I'm going to try Shunkaku. He's not a jerk. For all I know, love might bloom. I'm going to accept his offer of a date after the show!  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
There is a way that you can help  
You are the answer to a prayer!  
Please take this letter to Cosette  
Pray to Suzaku that she's still there!  
It'd get you off my back. Go right ahead. *writing on his arm* Do...not...invite...Hongo Yui...to the...wedding. There!  
  
EPONINE (Yui)  
Little you know!  
Little you care!  
I'm going on a date with Shunkaku after this...  
  
Shunkaku: *swoon* Can I walk with you to wherever you're going, Yui-sama?  
Yui: Aw, thanks, Shunkaku, but that's ok.  
  
(She walks to the Rue Plumet, where she meets Valjean)  
  
EPONINE (Yui)  
I have a letter M'sieur  
It's addressed to your daughter, Cosette  
It's from a *cough*irritating*cough* boy at the barricade, Sir,  
In the Rue de Villette.  
  
VALJEAN (Saihitei)  
Ah, it's you, Yui. What are you doing? I have no daughter named Cosette. I've a son named Boushin...   
  
EPONINE (Yui)  
I'm a boy right now. It's called acting. You are also acting. You have a daughter named Cosette.  
  
VALJEAN (Saihitei)  
*gives her an odd look*  
Give me that letter here, my boy.  
  
EPONINE (Yui)  
He said to give it to Cosette  
  
VALJEAN (Saihitei)  
You have my word that my...ah...daughter will know  
What this letter contains.  
  
(He gives her a pouch of money)  
  
Tell the young man she will read it tomorrow  
And here's for your pains  
Take it and see a therapist.   
Go careful now, stay out of sight  
There's danger in the streets tonight.  
*mutters to himself* Like psychopathic little miko who think they're male...  
  
(He opens the letter... and reads it)  
  
"Dearest Cosette, you have entered my soul  
And soon you will be gone.  
Can it be only a day since we met  
And the world was reborn?  
If I should fall in the battle to come  
Let this be my goodbye...  
Now that I know you love me as well  
It is harder to die...  
I pray that Suzaku will bring me home  
To be with you.  
Pray for your Marius. He prays for you!"  
Whaaaaat? Who's Marius? Who's Cosette? I don't understaaaaaaand!!  
  
(He goes in, leaving Eponine alone)  
  
Yui: Gees, he's clueless.   
  
On My Own  
  
EPONINE (Yui)  
And now I'm all alone again  
Nowhere to turn, no one to go to  
But a cute date after the song  
Without a home, without a friend,  
Without a face to say hello to.  
He's so sweet, I can't be wrong  
And now the night is near  
Now I can make believe he's here.  
Yes, Shunkaku, I see you in front of me...  
Gorgeous, strong, sensitive...  
  
Sometimes I walk alone at night  
When everybody else is sleeping  
I think of him and then I'm happy  
With the company I'm keeping  
I sure am! Adorable kid  
The city goes to bed  
And I can live inside my head.  
Where I want no one to look,   
Because I've been talking to Kaen about Ayuru lately  
  
On my own  
Pretending he's beside me  
All alone, I walk with him till morning  
Best walks of my life  
Without him  
I feel his arms around me  
Oh, stop, you're embarrassing me, Shunkaku-kun! *Ryuuen-type gushing*  
And when I lose my way I close my eyes  
And he has found me  
And this is one girl who's pleased  
To be lost if he's the one who'll find me!  
  
In the rain the pavement shines like silver  
All the lights are misty in the river  
In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight  
And all I see is him and me for ever and forever  
What a romantic setting!   
Shunkaku, I could kiss you forever!  
*more Ryuuen-type gushing*  
  
And I know it's only in my mind  
That I'm talking to myself and not to him  
Curses! Well, it'll soon be reality, I'm sure!  
And although I know that he is blind  
Still I say, there's a way for us  
Of course there is!  
  
I love him  
But when the night is over  
He is gone, the river's just a river  
Maybe I could throw myself into it...  
Without him the world around me changes  
The trees are bare and everywhere  
The streets are full of strangers  
Without my dear Shunkaku,   
I think suicide is a reasonable option  
  
I love him  
But every day I'm learning  
All my life I've only been pretending  
Nooooooooooo!!! I can't be!  
Without me his world will go on turning  
No it won't  
A world that's full of happiness  
That I have never known!  
But I will! I'm sure I will!  
  
I love him  
I love him  
I love him  
But only on my own.  
However, it will soon be reciprocated!!  
I'm going to find him right now!!  
  
(She runs offstage to find Shunkaku, who has passed out because he was listening to her sing)  
  
Ryuuen: Wasn't that song supposed to be about Kishuku? Oh well. Young love. Speaking of love, where's Valjean? *leaves to find Saihitei*  
  
Upon These Stones (Building the Barricade)  
  
(The barricade is now complete)  
  
STUDENTS  
Now we pledge ourselves to hold this barricade  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
Let them come in their legions  
With their ki  
And their evil nuclear weapons  
And telekinesis  
And killer flutes  
And werewolves  
And evil babies  
And bochuu techniques  
And they will be met  
  
ENJOLRAS (Ryuuen)  
*grabs the fleeing students by the backs of their robes)  
Now, now, boys  
Have faith in yourselves  
And don't be afraid  
  
GRANTAIRE (Genrou)  
Let's give 'em a screwing  
That they'll never forget!  
  
ENJOLRAS (Ryuuen)  
You can if you want, but I'd rather stalk Valjean  
  
COURFEYRAC (Chamka)  
*plugs his ears*  
This is where it begins!  
  
COMBEFERRE (Emtato)  
And if I should die in the fight to be free  
Wait, they can't kill me, I'm a ghost  
SCORE!!  
Where the fighting is hardest  
There will I be  
With snakes all around  
Heh, heh, heh  
  
FEUILLY (Myoujuan)  
Let them come if they dare  
We'll be there!  
  
ARMY OFFICER (Tenkou) (offstage, with a loud-bailer)  
You at the barricade listen to this!  
No one is coming to help you to fight  
You're on your own  
You have no friends  
Give up your guns - or die!  
Yes, die!! I kill you all the way I killed that Shunkaku kid!!  
Muahahahahaa!!! DIIIIEE!!   
*crazed laugh*  
  
GRANTAIRE (Genrou)  
Damn their warnings, damn their lies  
They will see the people rise!  
Rise on a cloud of sake froth! *dreamy sigh*  
  
STUDENTS  
*stare at one another*  
Damn their warnings, damn their lies  
They will see the people rise!   
  
Javert's Arrival  
  
(Javert climbs over the barricade)  
  
JAVERT (Ayuru)  
Listen my friends  
I have done as I said  
I have been to their lines  
I have counted each man  
I will tell what I can  
And lie when I can  
And tell the truth as little as possible  
  
Better be warned  
They have armies to spare  
And the danger is real  
We will need all our cunning  
To bring them to heel.  
Unfortunately it won't happen, cause you'll all be dead!!   
  
GRANTAIRE (Genrou)  
Somehow I don't trust that man  
  
ENJOLRAS (Ryuuen)  
Have faith  
If he knows what their movements are  
We will spoil their game  
There are ways that a people can fight  
We shall overcome their power  
  
JAVERT (Ayuru)  
I have overheard their plans  
There will be no attack tonight  
They intend to starve us out  
And if Miaka's here, that'll happen pretty quickly  
Before they start a proper fight  
Concentrate their ki  
Hit us from the right.  
(It's our weak side, you know, I told them so myself)  
  
Psycho People  
  
GAVROCHE (Shunkaku)  
Liar!  
Good evening, dear inspector  
Lovely evening, my dear.  
You flirted with my girlfriend  
And you won't leave here  
I know this man, my friends  
His name is Inspector Javert  
So don't believe a word he says  
'Cause none of it's true  
He's just an evil Shogun  
And he's got it in for you  
This only goes to show  
What psycho people can do!  
  
And psycho people know  
When psycho people fight  
We may look easy pickings  
But we've got some bite  
So never kick a sei   
Because he's a psychopath  
We'll fight like twenty armies  
And we won't give up  
So you'd better run for cover;  
We'll have the last laugh!  
  
GRANTAIRE (Genrou)  
Bravo, little Gavroche, you're the top of the class!  
  
PROUVAIRE (Midori)  
*eyes light up*  
So what are we going to do  
With this snake in the grass?  
Revenge on the man who took my knitting needles!   
(See "Miboshi's Story" by Purple Mouse)  
  
ENJOLRAS (Ryuuen)  
Tie this man and take him  
To the tavern in there  
The people will decide your fate  
Inspector Javert!  
  
COURFEYRAC (Chamka)  
Take the bastard now and shoot him!  
  
COMBERFERRE (Emtato)  
*gasp*   
Otouto!! Where did you learn that language?  
  
COURFEYRAC (Chamka)  
*sheepishly*  
From you,   
That time when you were really, really mad   
Because Genrou burnt all your snakes to death  
  
COMBERFERRE (Emtato)  
*sigh*   
Note to self: watch mouth around otouto  
  
FEUILLY (Myoujuan)  
Let us watch the devil dance!  
  
LESGLES (Kasaru)  
You'd have done the same, Inspector,  
If we'd let you have your chance!  
  
JAVERT (Ayuru)  
Shoot me now or shoot me later  
Every schoolboy to his sport  
Death to each and every traitor  
I renounce your people's court!  
  
COMBEFERRE (Emtato)  
Though we may not all survive here   
There are things that never die  
  
GRANTAIRE (Genrou)  
What's the difference, die a schoolboy,  
Die a policeman, die a spy?  
  
ENJOLRAS (Ryuuen)  
Take this man, bring him through  
There is work we have to do!  
  
(Javert is bundled away as the first shots ring out.   
  
Ryuuen: Okay, before the next song begins, I'd like to say that a song should have gone in here somewhere, but we couldn't find the lyrics for it, and it's Valjean saving Javert's life. That might help you when we get to Javert's Suicide, which may not make sense without this little gem of information. Okay, so keep in mind that Heika does go soft and save that Shogun, and then you'll know what's being babbled about it Javert's Suicide. Okay, people, we'll continue  
  
(Eponine enters, wounded)  
  
JOLY (Ashitare)  
*more barking*  
  
TRANSLATOR MACHINE  
There's a boy climbing the barricade!  
  
JOLY (Joly)  
*glares, and sets about dismembering the Machine)  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
Sweet Suzaku! What are you doing?  
'Ponine, have you no fear?  
Have you seen my beloved?  
Why have you come back here?  
  
EPONINE (Yui)  
Took the letter like you said  
I met her father at the door  
He said he would give it  
  
(She collapses in his arms)  
  
Don't think I can stand any more.  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
Eponine, what's wrong? I feel...  
There's something wet upon your hair  
  
(There is blood on his hands)  
  
Eponine, you're hurt  
You need some help!  
Oh Suzaku, it's everywhere....  
  
Miaka: *runs onstage* YUI-CHAN!!! WHAT HAPPENED??   
Yui: Miaka-chan! Get offstage!! Cosette's not on now! I'm fine!  
Miaka: Ya sure?  
Yui: Of course! Just go! I bought a blueberry muffin for you, and it's backstage  
Miaka: Ok! *runs offstage*  
Kishuku: Did you really get her a muffin?  
Yui: YES!! She's my friend, you know! Start the music already, it's a slow song, I'm dying!  
Shunkaku (offstage): YUI-SAMA'S DYING??????????  
Yui: He's concerned. How sweet. Not like you, Ghost-boy  
Kishuku: -_- Let's get on with the song, shall we?  
  
A Little Fall Of Rain  
  
EPONINE (Yui)  
Don't you fret, M'sieur Kishuku  
I don't feel any pain  
A little fall of rain  
Can hardly hurt me now  
You're here, that's all I need to know  
And you will keep me safe  
And you will keep me close  
And rain will make the flowers grow.  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
But you will live, 'Ponine - Seiryuu above,  
If I could heal your wounds with words of love.  
  
EPONINE (Yui)  
You got it right for once! *ahem*  
Just hold me now, and let it be.  
Shelter me, comfort me  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
Well, gees, I'm sorry! Last time I try to please you! *cough* I mean:   
You would live a hundred years  
If I could show you how  
I won't desert you now...  
  
EPONINE (Yui)  
Sorry, Ghost-boy. *grin* Ya know, Gavroche is seriously cute anyway! Er. Sorry, I'll sing it right!  
The rain can't hurt me now  
This rain will wash away what's past  
And you will keep me safe  
And you will keep me close  
I'll sleep in your embrace at last.   
But don't I wish it were Gavroche's!  
  
Kishuku: HEY  
  
EPONINE (Yui)  
*laugh which quickly becomes a cough*  
The rain that brings you here  
Is *cough* Heaven-blessed!  
The skies begin to clear  
And I'm at rest  
A breath away from where you are  
I've come home from so far  
So don't you fret, M'sieur Kishuku  
  
I don't feel any pain  
A little fall of rain  
Can hardly hurt me now  
You're here  
That's ALL I need to know  
And you will keep me safe  
And you will keep me close  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku) (in counterpoint) *pained look*  
Hush-a-bye, dear Eponine,  
You won't feel any pain *waves with a smirk*  
  
Yui: *outraged look*  
Shunkaku (offstage): Can I kill him?  
Yui: YES!  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)   
*glares*  
A little fall of rain  
Can hardly hurt you now   
But I wish it would  
  
Shunkaku (offstage): Can I draw it out, Yui-sama?  
Yui: Yes again!  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
I'm here  
  
I will stay with you  
Till you are sleeping  
  
EPONINE (Yui)  
And murder me in my bed!  
And rain...  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
With pleasure  
And rain...  
  
EPONINE (Yui)  
SHUNKAKU-CHAN!!!!!!!!!  
Will make the flowers...  
  
Shunkaku (offstage): She called me Shunkaku-CHAN! *swoons, faints, knocking into a random object which flies onstage and conks Kishuku on the head* *revives* SCORE!!  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
*dizzily*  
Will make the flowers... grow...  
  
(Yui pretends to die. Kishuku tries to kiss her because it's in the script, then passes out and falls in her lap. Yui looks disgusted and shoves him away. The stagehands (Nyan-nyans) drag him off, and Lanva comes on to serve as replacement. He gathers Yui into his arms and stands, facing Enjolras)  
  
Yui: Handle with care, you pervert. *to herself* Wish Shunkaku coulda been replacement  
Lanva: Don't worry, darling, I'll take good care of you  
Yui: *thwacks him*  
(Ryuuen intervenes with his line)  
  
ENJOLRAS (Ryuuen)  
She is the first to fall  
The first of us to fall upon this barricade  
  
MARIUS (Lanva)  
Her name was Eponine, and she was one cute broad *gets smacked by Ryuuen and Yui* *rubs his head* Ow...   
Her life was cold and dark, yet she was unafraid.  
  
COMBEFERRE (Emtato)  
We fight here in her name  
  
PROUVAIRE (Midori)  
She will not die in vain.  
  
LESGLES (Kasaru)  
She will not be betrayed.  
  
(Lanva carries Yui offstage, reluctant to put her down until Shunkaku "encourages" him, after which he hurriedly deposits her in Shunkaku's arms and backtracks)  
  
The Second Attack (Death of Gavroche)  
  
(The battle recommences)  
  
ENJOLRAS (Ryuuen)  
How do we stand, Feuilly? Make your report.  
  
FEUILLY (Myoujuan)  
Is it possible to not pronounce that "phooey"? Oh well...  
We've guns enough, but ammunition's short  
  
MARIUS (The now revived Kishuku)  
Let me go into the streets  
There are bodies all around  
Ammunition to be had  
Lots of bullets to be found!  
  
Shunkaku: Yeah! Let him!  
Ryuuen: Sorry, Gavvy darling.  
Shunkaku: *gives him the evil eye*  
Ryuuen: *shrug*  
  
ENJOLRAS (Ryuuen)  
I won't let you go, it's too much of a chance!  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
The same is true for any man here!  
But if you don't want me to, that's fine with me!  
  
VALJEAN (Saihitei)  
Peasant coward!  
Let me go. He's no more than a *cough*lily-livered*cough* boy.  
I am old... WHAT???? *grinds teeth* I have nothing to fear.  
But you do. I'm not old, and I won't help you.  
  
ENJOLRAS (Ryuuen)  
He doesn't want to go, what can we do?  
*eyes light up* Waiiiiiiiit......  
I KNOW!!!!  
  
(As if on cue, ALL turn expectantly to Shunkaku.)  
  
GAVROCHE (Shunkaku)  
Hey, don't look at me, I don't want to go!  
  
ENJOLRAS (Ryuuen)  
*cracks knuckles threatenly*  
  
GAVROCHE (Shunkaku)  
*gulp*  
You need somebody quicker and I volunteer!  
  
(Shunkaku climbs the barricade)  
  
LESGLES (Kasaru)  
Come back, Gavroche, don't you dare!  
  
JOLY (Ryusaburo)  
*undeterminable barking*  
  
TRANSLATING MACHINE  
*sproing* crick....fzzzz...  
  
JOLY (Joly)  
*singing loudly*  
SOMEONE PULL HIM DOWN AT ONCE! ACHOO!  
  
GAVROCHE (Shunkaku)  
You don't want me to go? Fine by me!  
  
ENJOLRAS (Ryuuen)  
*menacing glare*  
  
GAVROCHE (Shunkaku)  
*gulps again* *quickly*  
Look at me; I'm almost there!  
  
(Gunshot)  
  
GAVROCHE (Shunkaku)  
*pained shriek*  
Psycho people know, when  
Psycho people fight, we  
  
(Gunshot. Gavroche is wounded.)  
  
GAVROCHE (Shunkaku)  
*singing and crying*  
May look easy pickings  
But we've got some bite!  
(He is hit again.)  
*yelp* Ah!  
So never kick a sei  
Because he's a psychopath  
We'll fight like twenty armies  
And we won't give up  
So you'd better run for cover  
We'll...have...the...last...  
  
(He is shot once more and he dies)  
  
Shunkaku: *drags himself offstage*   
Yui: *waiting for him, tears streaming down her face* You're a wonderful actor, Shunkaku!! That was so sad!  
Shunkaku: *grins, and attempts to wipe fake blood off his shirt*  
Yui: I can get that off with peroxide. You'd better come to my apartment. We aren't on again for a while anyway  
Shunkaku: Okay, Yui-sama! *follows her happily away from the theatre*  
  
The Night / Drink With Me  
  
(The defenders settle down for the night with wine and a song)  
  
ENJOLRAS (Ryuuen)  
Marius, rest.  
  
FEUILLY (Myoujuan)  
Drink with me to days gone by  
Sing with me the songs we knew  
Ahhh, sora ga mieru.  
  
ENJOLRAS (Ryuuen)  
That's enough of that, dear Phooey  
  
PROUVAIRE (Midori)  
Here's to pretty girls who went to our heads.  
  
JOLY (Ryusaburo)  
*undeterminable barking*  
  
TRANSLATING MACHINE  
.........  
  
JOLY (Joly)  
*smugly*  
Here's to witty girls who went to out beds.  
  
GRANTAIRE (Genrou)  
Girls actually slept with you? Oh my sweet Suzaku...  
  
PROUVAIRE and JOLY (Midori and Joly)  
Shut up.   
  
JOLY (Joly)  
I'm a lot more attractive than SOME creatures I could name!  
  
ALL  
Here's to them and here's to you!  
  
GRANTAIRE (Genrou)   
Drink with me to days gone by *wink* YEAH!  
  
ENJOLRAS (Ryuuen)  
GENROUUUUUU!! This is a sad song!!  
  
GRANTAIRE (Genrou)  
Oh. Damn it all. Okaaaay. Bloody onnagata *clears his throat to sing*  
Can it be you fear to die?  
Will the world remember you  
When you fall?  
Could it be your death  
Means nothing at all?  
Is your life just one more lie? Wait.... people are gonna die? What is this, a war?  
  
ENJOLRAS (Ryuuen)  
Well, now that you mention it...QUIT INTERRUPTING THE SONG!!!  
  
GRANTAIRE (Genrou)  
*meekly* Okay  
  
ALL  
Drink with me to days gone by  
To the life that used to be  
  
WOMEN  
At the shrine of friendship, never say die  
  
MEN  
Let the wine of friendship never run dry  
  
ALL  
Here's to you and here's to me  
  
GRANTAIRE (Genrou)  
And here's to sake! *catches Enjolras' look* Here's to you!  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
Do I care if I should die  
Now she goes across the sea?  
I know she'll die on the way,   
Cause it's Miaka we're talking about  
Life without Cosette  
Means nothing at all.  
Would you weep, Cosette,  
Should Marius fall?  
Why, when it's you who'll be likely to fall?  
Will you weep, Cosette,  
For me?  
  
(Marius settles down to sleep)  
  
Genrou: You've been hanging around with Lanva again, haven't you?  
Kishuku: *opens an eye* None o' your business   
  
The Final Battle  
  
ARMY OFFICER (Tenkou) (with loud hailer)  
You at the barricade listen to this  
The people of Paris sleep in their beds  
You have no chance  
No chance at all  
Why throw your lives away?  
I WILL triumph!!!  
I will bathe the earth in BLOOOOD!! You will all bow down to me!!  
You will all perish!!!  
*more crazed laughing*  
  
ENJOLRAS (Ryuuen)  
Let us die facing our foes  
Make them bleed while we can  
  
COMBEFERRE (Emtato)  
Make 'em pay through the nose  
  
COURFEYRAC (Chamka)  
Make 'em pay for every man!  
  
ENJOLRAS (Ryuuen)  
Let others rise  
To take our place  
Until the earth is free!  
  
(Increasingly heavy gunfire. MARIUS is shot. Enjolras is killed at the summit of the barricade. All on the barricade are killed, except MARIUS, who is wounded and unconscious, and Valjean. Valjean discovers that Marius is still alive and carries him down into the sewers to escape. Javert climbs over the barricade looking for Valjean's body. Failing to find it, he realizes that Valjean must be in the sewers, so he goes off to where he must emerge.)  
  
Dog Eats Dog  
  
(Thénardier is picking through the corpses in the sewers)  
  
THENARDIER (Chuin)  
Here's a hint of makeup  
Here inside this case  
Pardon me M'sieur  
You won't be needing it no more.  
Shouldn't be too hard to use.  
Add it to the pile  
Add it to the stock  
Here among the sewer rats  
A breath away from Hell  
You get accustomed to the smell.  
  
Well someone's got to clean 'em up, my friends  
Bodies on the highway  
Law and order upside down  
Someone's got to collect their odds and ends  
As a service to the town!  
  
(Valjean arrives, carrying Marius. Valjean collapses)  
  
(THENARDIER robs MARIUS)  
  
Here's a lovely feather  
S'been safe from wind and weather  
Wouldn't want to waste it  
That would really be a crime  
Thank you sir, I'm in your debt  
Here's another toy  
Take it off the boy  
His heart's no longer going  
And he's lived his little time  
But his money is still there!  
I can spend it on my hair!  
  
Well, someone's got to clean them up, my friends  
Before the little harvest  
Disappears into the mud  
Someone's got to collect their odds and ends  
When the gutters run with blood.  
  
It's a world where the dog eats the dog  
Where they kill for bones in the street  
And Seiryuu in heaven  
He don't interfere  
'Cause he's dead as the stiffs at my feet  
I raise my eyes to see the heavens  
And only the moon looks down  
The harvest moon shines down!  
  
(He turns over Valjean's body, recognizes him, and leaves. Eventually, Valjean picks up Marius again and walks through the sewers. As they emerge, they meet Javert)  
  
VALJEAN (Saihitei)  
It's you, Javert!  
I knew you wouldn't wait too long  
The faithful servant at his post once more!  
This man's done no wrong,  
And he needs a doctor's care.  
  
JAVERT (Ayuru)  
I warned you I would not give in  
I won't be swayed  
  
VALJEAN (Saihitei)  
Another hour yet  
And then I'm yours  
And all our debts are paid.  
And I'll even *shudder* take the lice  
  
JAVERT (Ayuru)  
The man of mercy comes again  
And talks of justice  
  
VALJEAN (Saihitei)  
Come, time is running short  
Look down, Javert  
He's standing in his grave  
Give way, Javert  
There is a life to save.  
Okay, so we don't HAVE to save it,   
But it's gonna devastate Miaka  
If he dies  
  
JAVERT (Ayuru) (overlapping)  
Take him Valjean,  
Before I change my mind  
I will be waiting  
24601.  
  
(Valjean carries Marius off)  
  
Javert's Suicide  
  
(Thanks to Meaghan for the bit at the end)  
(Javert walks the deserted streets until he comes to a bridge over the river Seine)  
  
JAVERT (Ayuru)  
Who is this man?  
What sort of devil is he  
To have me caught in a trap  
And choose to let me go free?  
It was his hour at last  
To put a seal on my fate  
Wipe out the past  
And wash me clean off the slate!  
All it would take  
Was a flick of his knife.  
Vengeance was his  
And he gave me back my life!  
Even said he'd take the lice  
Willingly, no less!  
  
Damned if I'll live in the debt of a thief!  
Damned if I'll yield at the end of the chase.  
I am the Law and the Law is not mocked  
I'll spit his pity right back in his face  
There is nothing on earth that we share  
It is either Valjean or Javert!  
One shall have lice, or the other has failed  
  
How can I now allow this man  
To hold dominion over me?  
This desperate man whom I have hunted  
He gave me my life. He gave me freedom.  
I should have perished by his hand  
It was his right.  
It was my right to die as well  
Instead I live... but live in hell.  
Why did he accept my lice?  
Why?  
  
And my thoughts fly apart  
Can this man be believed?  
Shall his sins be forgiven?  
Shall his crimes be reprieved?  
  
And must I now begin to doubt,  
Who never doubted all these years?  
My heart is stone and still it trembles  
The world I have known is lost in shadow.  
Is he from heaven or from hell?  
And does he know  
That granting me my life today  
This man has killed me even so?  
I cannot understand  
Maybe he likes animals?  
But he didn't like my lice before  
Why now?  
  
I am reaching, but I fall  
And the stars are black and cold  
As I stare into the void  
Of a world that cannot hold  
I'll escape now from the world  
From the world of Jean Valjean.  
There is nowhere I can turn  
There is no way to go on....  
  
(He throws himself into the swollen river)  
(The bridge is pulled up into the ceiling to give the impression of his jumping, but his foot it caught and he gets pulled up with it, upside-down, wailing the whole time)  
(Everyone save Kaen and Chuin cheer, then sober up as they realized the solemnity of the next song. All male characters begin to weep as the woman connected to each begins to sing. Slowly, as though in a trance, they step on to the stage to them, like the ghosts of the fallen at the barricade)  
  
Turning  
  
WOMAN ONE (Doulin)  
Did you see them  
Going off to fight?  
Oh gods, so many will never return  
Dear Lanva, you were among them  
  
(For once, Saihitei doesn't scream and Lanva's full attention is on his wife, who, despite his habits, he loves very much)  
  
WOMAN TWO (Shouka)  
Children of the barricade  
Who didn't last the night?  
Myoujuan will never come back to me  
The lost souls of those who died  
  
(Myoujuan's mind is remembering how he kept losing Shouka)  
  
WOMAN THREE (Kourin)  
Did you see them  
Lying where they died?  
Someone used to cradle them  
And kiss them when they cried.  
Ryuuen, I've lost you again!  
  
(Ryuuen closes his eyes and swears yet again never to stop cross-dressing)  
  
WOMAN FOUR (Suzuno)  
Did you see them lying side by side?  
Kasaru, Kasaru, why?  
  
(Kasaru grows a rose and presses it into her hands as he puts his arms around her)  
  
WOMAN FIVE (Takiko)  
Who will wake them?  
Chamka, Emtato, I'm sorry! I release you!   
You are under no contract to the   
Genbu no Miko any longer  
  
(Chamka and Emtato are at her side, and they hold a necklace to her)  
  
WOMAN SIX (Kouran)  
No one ever will.  
Houjun, forgive me  
There was never anything between Hikou and I  
Let me back into your life  
I love you  
  
(Houjun bows his head and says softly "No, it was my fault, let me into your life. I love you")  
  
WOMAN TWO (Shouka)  
No one ever told them  
That a summer day can kill.  
Myoujuan, are you still there?  
  
(Myoujuan takes her hands in his and they begin a slow sort of dance around the stage)  
  
WOMAN SEVEN (Rei-Rei)  
They were schoolboys  
Never held a gun...  
Fighting for a new world  
That would rise up like the sun.  
Gen-chan, do you still care?  
I'm still here  
Hey, ya still got the tessen, fang-boy?  
  
(Genrou grins fangily and shows her his tessen, then his expression changes, as he remembers how she sacrificed her life to get it for him)  
  
WOMAN THREE (Kourin)  
Where's that new world now the fighting's done?  
Ryuuen, it's over now.  
And I'm alive, alive, so  
Don't be lonely  
  
(Ryuuen runs over to her and stands proudly behind her, hands on her shoulders. "My Brilliant Woods, I've missed you)  
  
WOMAN FOUR (Suzuno)  
Nothing changes.  
Kasaru, you will always love your  
Flowers and love me  
I thank you  
Thank you for your dedication  
  
(Kasaru smiles at her and they too begin to dance, vines curling themselves up the couple's arms and tying them together)  
  
WOMAN SEVEN (Rei-Rei)  
Nothing ever will.  
Nothing change, right!  
There'll always be you, and me  
And Kouji, and we'll always be together  
Right, Gen-chan?  
  
(Genrou walks in a trance to her side and places the tessen in her hands. She smiles up at him as Kouji joins them from the side)  
  
WOMAN EIGHT (Houki)  
Every year another brat, another mouth to fill.  
Brat? Never could our son  
Be a brat, right, Sai?  
Come to me, let me comfort you  
I will always be yours  
  
(Saihitei stands by her, and they put their arms around each other. Boushin is suddenly sitting in Houki's arms, and Saihitei strokes his head)  
  
WOMAN SEVEN (Rei-Rei)  
Same old story. What's the use of tears?  
Tears? We don't need them.  
Not when we're all back together again  
  
(Genrou and Kouji make a seat of their hands, and she sits with a hand on each's shoulder. "Missed you guys. Glad we're back together again")  
  
WOMAN FIVE (Takiko)  
What's the use of praying if there's nobody who hears?  
But somebody does hear  
Welcome back, Emtato, Chamka  
I'm happy that you're by my side again  
  
(Chamka and Emtato both hold one of her hands, and she smiles at them as the three turn toward the audience)  
  
(The other members of the cast walk onto the stage, Yui and Shunkaku holding hands, Miaka and Kishuku happily, Chuin and Douken shrug and go on together, Kaen and Ayuru walk out, Midori and Ryusaburo seem normal and peaceful. Kishuku's family comes on from the sides. This leaves backstage only Koutoku. He steps onstage, glowing once more, his flute raised as he solos the music that everyone sings along to)  
  
ALL  
Turning, turning, turning, turning, turning  
Through the years.  
  
Turning, turning, turning through the years  
Minutes into hours and the hours into years.  
Nothing changes. Nothing ever can  
Round about the roundabout and back where you began.  
Round and round and back where you began!  
  
(They all exit slowly, a few crying, some smiling, and Koutoku, still trancelike, stays on to play Amazing Grace on the flute and then exits (Yes, Korin-chan was listening to Amazing Grace while she wrote (Yes, Korin-chan got to write this part! You actually thought I would?!)))  
  
Empty Chairs At Empty Tables  
  
(Marius, recovering from his wounds, imagines he is back at the ABC cafe)  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
There's a grief that can't be spoken.  
There's a pain goes on and on.  
Empty chairs at empty tables  
Now my friends are dead and gone.  
Empty, no less  
I can sell them now!!  
*money-crazed laugh*  
  
Here they talked of revolution.  
Here it was they lit the flame.  
Here they sang about `tomorrow'  
And tomorrow never came.  
I wonder if I can pawn off their watches  
Or if I give their loved ones back their stuff  
Maybe they'll pay me!  
  
From the table in the corner  
They could see a world reborn  
And they rose with voices ringing  
I can hear them now!  
The very words that they had sung  
Became their last communion  
On the lonely barricade at dawn.  
Hmm,  
Maybe someone would buy the barricade  
  
Oh my friends, my friends forgive me  
  
(The ghosts of those who died on the barricade appear)  
  
That I live and you are gone.  
There's a grief that can't be spoken.  
There's a pain goes on and on.  
Can I sell pain and grief?  
Wouldn't sell very well though  
I could try selling joy and peace...  
  
Phantom faces at the window.  
Phantom shadows on the floor.  
Empty chairs at empty tables  
Where my friends will meet no more.  
Ahh, those chairs and tables  
Good mahogany  
I can get a fortune!!  
  
(The ghosts fade away)  
  
Oh my friends, my friends, don't ask me  
What your sacrifice was for  
Empty chairs at empty tables  
Where my friends will sing no more.  
Hee, hee! I'm gonna be rich!  
  
(Random members of the audience throw things at him, then they are joined by the students, who attack Kishuku will quill pens for his disrespect)  
  
Valjean's Confession  
  
(Valjean is talking to Marius in the garden, after Marius' and Cosette's lovely little duet about how they would always be together, but Marius was wondering who saved his life at the barricades, and then they said Valjean would live with them forever and ever amen. *breathes again*)  
  
VALJEAN (Saihitei)  
Not another word my son,  
There's something now that must be done.  
You've spoken from the heart  
And I must do the same  
There is a story, sir,  
Of slavery and shame  
That you alone must know  
I cannot tell Cosette  
I loved her, but then I kinda remembered  
That I have a wife  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
*WHAT?*  
  
VALJEAN (Saihitei)  
*cough*  
I never told Cosette  
She had enough of tears  
She's never known the truth-  
The story you must hear  
Of years ago.  
  
There lived a man whose name was Jean Valjean  
He stole some shampoo to clean his hair, full of lice.  
For nineteen winters served his time  
In sweat he washed away his crime.  
  
Years ago  
He broke parole and lived a life apart  
How could he tell Cosette and break her heart?  
It's for Cosette this must be faced  
If he is caught she is disgraced  
The time has come to journey on  
And from this day he must be gone  
Who am I?  
Who am I?  
I will leave  
(I have a wife, and a son, and an empire, and I can go rule that)  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
Um, that's not very nice  
Is it?  
  
VALJEAN (Saihitei)  
Well, I've already terrorized Cosette  
Almost to the point of tears  
By trying to get her to marry me  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
YOU- YOU-  
  
VALJEAN (Saihitei)  
Sorry  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
You say *sorry*?? After all that?  
  
VALJEAN (Saihitei)  
Ehe  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
*gets ready to perform martial arts on him*  
  
ENJOLRAS (Ryuuen)  
Hey! Hey! Don't wreck the play!  
Marius, say your line!  
And Valjean, you'll have to write a card to Cosette  
And apologize  
Got it?  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
Fine...  
You're Jean Valjean!  
What can I do  
That will turn you from this?  
Monsieur, you cannot leave.  
Whatever I tell my beloved Cosette  
She will never believe!  
(Leave! Leave!!)  
  
VALJEAN (Saihitei)  
HEY!  
Make her believe  
I have gone on a journey  
A long way away.  
Tell her my heart was too full for farewells  
It is better this way.  
Promise me, M'sieur, Cosette will never know...  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
I give my word.  
  
VALJEAN (Kishuku)  
...what I have spoken, why I must go.  
Because of my wife, you know  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
For the sake of Cosette, it must be so.  
Now go! Go! GO!  
  
The Wedding Chorale  
  
(Marius and Cosette lead a wedding procession)  
  
CHORUS  
Ring out the bells  
Upon this day of days!  
  
May all the angels  
Of the Lord above  
  
In jubilation  
Sing their songs of praise!  
  
And crown this  
Blessed time with  
Peace and love.  
  
(The procession becomes a dancing celebration. A waltz is played)  
  
MAJOR DOMO (Lanva)  
The Baron and Baroness de Thénard wish to pay their respects to the groom!  
  
(Saihitei backstage is having a nervous breakdown and being comforted by Ryuuen)  
  
THENARDIER (Chuin)  
I forget where we met  
Was it not at the Chateau Lafarge  
Where the Duke did that puke  
Down the Duchess's de-coll-etage?  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
No, `Baron de Thénard'  
The circles I move in are humbler by far.  
Go away, Thénardier!  
Do you think I don't know who you are?  
*glare*  
I know what you tried to do to Miaka in  
Episodes 38-39!  
  
(Chuin starts to cough madly)  
  
MME. THENARDIER (Kaen)  
He's not fooled. Told you so.  
Show M'sieur what you've come here to show.  
Tell the boy what you know!  
  
(Applause from the dancers as the waltz finishes)  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
When I look at you, I remember Eponine.  
She was more than you deserved, who gave her birth  
But now she is with God and happier, I hope,  
Than here on earth!  
She's dead now! Hah!  
  
(Gavroche leaps onstage and begins to use ryuuseisui on Marius.)  
Shunkaku: Ghost-boy! How dare you say such things about Yui-sama?!  
Kishuku: Easily  
Shunkaku: IKU RYUUSEISUI!!!!!!!!  
Ryuuen: HELLO!!! Don't mess up the stage! We just cleaned it, we don't need it to get glecked up with blood!!   
Shunkaku: Fine, fine, can I get him after the show?  
Yui: You're taking me on a date on after the show  
Shunkaku: Okay, we'll set up a death date sometime next week  
Ryuuen and Yui: Okay!  
Ryuuen: Now get back to the play!!  
  
(The waltz starts up again.)  
  
THENARDIER (Chuin)  
So it goes, heaven knows  
Life has dealt me some terrible blows.  
  
MME. THENARDIER (Kaen)  
You've got makeup and a heart  
You could give us a bit of a start!  
We can prove, plain as ink  
Your bride's father is not what you think.  
  
THENARDIER (Chuin)  
There's a tale I could tell  
  
MME. THENARDIER (Kaen)   
Information we're willing to sell...  
  
THENARDIER (Chuin)  
There's a man that he slew  
I saw the corpse clear as I'm seeing you!  
What I tell you is true!  
  
MME. THENARDIER (Kaen)  
Pity to disturb you at a feast like this  
But enough to makeup to start our own business surely wouldn't come amiss.  
  
PROUVAIRE (Prouvaire)  
If I might mention it,   
That didn't scan  
  
ENJOLRAS (Ryuuen)  
So it didn't scan.  
Sue me.  
AND GET BACK INTO THE AUDIENCE!!  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
In Suzaku's name say what you have to say.  
  
THENARDIER (Chuin)  
But first you pay!  
What I saw, clear as light,  
Jean Valjean in the sewers that night.  
Had this corpse on his back  
Hanging there like a bloody great sack.  
I was there, never fear.  
Even found me this fine souvenir.   
  
(Thénardier shows Marius a ring)  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
I know this! This was mine!  
This is surely some heavenly sign!   
It's my engagement ring!!  
*puts it back in hurriedly*  
  
THENARDIER (Chuin)  
One thing more, mark this well  
It was the night the barricades fell.  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
Then it's true. Then I'm right.  
Jean Valjean was my saviour that night!  
A thousand curses!!  
  
(Marius punches Thénardier and then throws makeup at him)  
  
As for you, take this too!  
Suzaku forgive us the things that we do.  
Come my love, come Cosette,  
This day's blessings are not over yet!  
Oh yes they are! They just ended, in fact,  
With the knowledge that I owe my life  
To Valjean  
  
(Marius and Cosette leave)  
  
Beggars At The Feast  
  
THENARDIER (Chuin)  
Ain't it a laugh?  
Ain't it a treat?  
Hob-nobbin' here  
Among the elite?  
Here comes a prince  
There goes a Jew.  
This one's a queer  
But what can you do?  
Hey wait, I know that guy!  
He goes to Gays Anonymous with me!!  
Paris at my feet  
Paris in the dust  
And here's me breaking bread  
With the upper crust!  
  
Beggar at the feast!  
Master of the dance!  
Life is easy pickings  
If you grab your chance.  
Everywhere you go  
Law-abiding folk  
Doing what is decent  
But they're mostly broke!  
Singing to Seiryuu on Sundays  
Praying for the gifts He'll send.  
  
M. & MME. THENARDIER (Chuin and Kaen)  
But we're the ones who take it  
We're the ones who make it in the end!  
Watch the buggers dance  
Watch 'em till they drop  
Keep your wits about you  
And you stand on top!  
Masters of the land  
Always get our share  
Clear away the barricades  
And we're still there!  
We know where the wind is blowing  
Makeup is the stuff we smell.  
And when we're rich as Saihitei  
Jesus! Won't we see you all in hell!  
  
(Valjean is alone in the shadows, with a bare wooden cross for company)  
  
VALJEAN (Saihitei)  
Alone I wait in the shadows  
I count the hours till I can sleep  
I dreamed a dream Cosette stood by  
It made her weep to know I die.  
Alone at the end of the day  
Upon this wedding night I pray  
Take these children, Suzaku, to thy embrace  
And show them grace.  
Much as I don't like Kishuku  
He and Miaka can be together at last  
But I wanna see Houkiiiiiiiiiii!!!  
*wail*  
  
Suzaku on high  
Hear my prayer  
Take me now  
To thy care  
Where You are  
Let me be  
Take me now  
Take me there  
Bring me home  
Bring me home.  
To my Houki  
And my Boushin  
  
(Fantine's spirit appears to Valjean)  
  
FANTINE (Koutoku)  
M'sieur, I bless your name  
M'sieur, lay down your burden  
You raised my child in love  
And you will be with Suzaku.  
Sai, come home, to Houki  
...These lines are so...urk...  
  
VALJEAN (Saihitei) (interjecting)  
I am ready, Fantine  
At the end of my days  
She's the best of my life.  
Although not as good as Houki and  
Boushin  
I know, I know. Implicatory.  
  
(Marius and Cosette rush into the room; they do not see Fantine)  
  
COSETTE (Miaka)  
Papa, Papa, I do not understand!  
Are you all right? They said you'd gone away.  
I'm hungry. What about you?  
  
VALJEAN (Saihitei)  
Cosette, my child, am I forgiven now?  
Suzaku, Suzaku; I've lived to see this day.  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
It's you who must forgive a thoughtless fool  
It's you who must forgive a thankless man  
It's thanks to you that I am living  
And again I lay down my life at your feet.  
Take Miaka!  
  
COSETTE (Miaka)  
WHAT? KISHUKUUUUU!!!!!  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
Cosette, your father is a *cough* saint.  
When they wounded me  
He took me from the barricade  
Carried like a babe  
And brought me home to you!  
How I wish he hadn't; now I'm in debt to him  
But he did, the *******  
  
VALJEAN (Saihitei)  
OI! My parents were *married* for your information!  
Do you want to be thrown in the dungeons??  
(to Cosette)  
Now you are here  
Again beside me  
Now I can die in peace  
For now my life is blessed...  
(And once I'm "dead" I'm going back to Houki)  
  
COSETTE (Miaka)  
You will live, Papa, you're going to live  
It's too soon, too soon to say goodbye!  
  
VALJEAN (Saihitei)  
Yes, Cosette, forbid me now to die  
After I've been rejected and  
Am dying of heartbreak  
Supposedly  
I want HOUKIIIIIII!!!!!!!  
On this page  
I write my last confession.  
Read it well  
When I at last am sleeping.  
It's the story  
Of those who always loved you.  
Sure we did, but not anymore.  
Your mother gave her life for you  
Then gave you to my keeping.  
And now you've got Kishuku, and I  
Have Houki  
  
(The other spirits, including Eponine appear)  
  
FANTINE (Koutoku)  
Come with me  
Where chains will never bind you  
All your grief  
At last, at last behind you.  
Suzaku-seikun,  
Look down on him in mercy.  
  
VALJEAN (Saihitei)  
Forgive me all my trespasses  
And take me to your glory.  
  
FANTINE & EPONINE (Koutoku and Yui)  
Take my hand  
And lead me to salvation.  
Take my love,  
For love is everlasting.  
*holding hands*  
  
GAVROCHE (Shunkaku)  
ANIKIIIIIIII!!!!! You're flirting with my girlfriend!!  
  
FANTINE (Koutoku)  
No, I'm not, don't worry!!  
  
VALJEAN, FANTINE & EPONINE (Saihitei, Koutoku, and Yui)  
And remember  
The truth that once was spoken  
To love another person  
Is to be with Suzaku!  
  
Finale  
  
CHORUS  
Do you hear the people sing  
Lost in the valley of the night?  
It is the music of a people  
Who are climbing to the light.  
  
For the wretched of the earth  
There is a flame that never dies.  
Even the darkest night will end  
And the sun will rise.  
  
They will live again in freedom  
In the garden of the Lord.  
They will walk behind the ploughshare;  
They will put away the sword.  
The chain will be broken  
And all men will have their reward.  
  
Will you join in our crusade?  
Who will be strong and stand with me?  
Somewhere beyond the barricade  
Is there a world you long to see?  
Do you hear the people sing?  
Say, do you hear the distant drums?  
It is the future that they bring  
When tomorrow comes!  
  
Will you join in our crusade?  
Who will be strong and stand with me?  
Somewhere beyond the barricade  
Is there a world you long to see?  
Do you hear the people sing?  
Say, do you hear the distant drums?  
It is the future that they bring  
When tomorrow comes...  
Tomorrow comes!  
  
THE CURTAIN FALLS  
  
(They all run out and bow, then bow again, and again, again, and then they stop. Thankfully)  
  
Saihitei: Well, Houki and I are going home, but if anyone wants an autograph, I'll wait for a bit  
Houki: You never change...  
Kishuku: Miaka-chan!! Let's go get something to eat!  
Miaka: FOOOD?????  
Kishuku: Yup. Let's go!  
(Genrou and Kouji are leaving with Rei-Rei, fighting over who'll carry her stuff)  
(Kasaru and Suzuno also leave, practically grown together with all of his vines)  
Ryuuen: *taps Shunkaku on the shoulder* Um, Shun, have you noticed anything about your brother?  
Shunkaku: *breaks off a kiss with Yui* What? No. Should I?  
Ryuuen: He's in the corner over there crying, s'all...  
Shunkaku: WHAT??? *goes flying over to Koutoku* Aniki, aniki, are you all right?  
Koutoku: Yeah, just kinda sad...  
Shunkaku: Why?  
Koutoku: No reason. Just that....warped as that parody was, it seemed touching to me... It was good, ne?  
Shunkaku: Very good. You were spectacular, aniki.  
Koutoku: Thanks, Shun. Well, I guess I'm going to go home. You have fun with Yui  
Shunkaku: *looks over to Yui*   
Yui: *looks back understandingly* You know, Koutoku, I think that Shun and I would rather stay with you for the evening. You need some company. I'll make dinner.  
Shunkaku: Yui-sama can cook! You're just so talented, Yui-sama!!!  
Yui: *grin*  
(They leave)  
(Kourin, Korin, KoK, Taira and Ryuuen all exit together, planning an evening at a karaoke bar to inspire KoK for her next fanfic)  
(Everybody drifts out, but one person is prevented from leaving)  
Waen: HIKI-CHANNNN!!!!!  
Emtato: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!  
  
The End.   
  
Please review!!!! Gees, this was so much fun it should be illegal! One last thing - was it apparent that we did all the songs out of order? I (KoK) began with "A Little Fall of Rain". Oh, and I got an Elvis CD for Christmas, which was good, but a lot of the pleasure was ruined by the fangirlish shrieks that emitted from the background and wouldn't stop the entire way through the CD *sigh* Fangirls. The world's overrun. But I'm one of 'em, so what can I say? GO FANGIRLS!!! Just don't scream TOO loud...  
~ KoK 


	3. The Akugis!

Whooo!!! Outtakes and parodies!! Still own nothing. *blows kisses* Thanks, all.  
  
~~~  
  
Scene 1 ~ Orestes Fasting and Pylades Drunk  
  
KoK: You know, had I read the book first, I probably would have cast Sai as Enjolras and Ryuu-chan as Grantaire.  
  
Ryuuen: *glare* I happen to LIKE my position as leader of the students! No way I want to be downsized to the annoying drunk!  
  
KoK: You'll do what I like when I like and how I like and won't argue, even if you'd like.  
  
Ryuuen: *sticks out tongue* No I won't.  
  
(Instantly, Ryuuen is wearing THE GRANTAIRE VEST and sitting at a corner table onstage with Saihitei in THE ENJOLRAS VEST facing down the Guard Nationale.)  
  
ARMY OFFICER (Tenkou)  
Do you want your eyes bound?  
  
ENJOLRAS (Saihitei)  
No.  
  
ARMY OFFICER (Tenkou)   
It was you who shot the Artillery Sergeant?  
  
ENJOLRAS (Saihitei)  
Yes.  
  
ARMY OFFICER (Tenkou)  
READY, AIM -  
  
ENJOLRAS (Saihitei)  
You're taking a sadistic pleasure in this, aren't you?  
  
ARMY OFFICER (Tenkou)  
But of course.   
READY, AIM -  
  
GRANTAIRE (Ryuuen)  
VIVE LA REPUBLIQUE!   
I'm one of them!  
*jumps up from his corner table to stand by Enjolras*  
Kill two at once!  
*turns to Enjolras*  
If it's all right with you...  
  
ENJOLRAS (Saihitei)  
*smile*  
Of course, mon ami.  
  
GRANTAIRE (Ryuuen)  
Finally!   
All my hard days of stalking have paid off!!!  
  
ENJOLRAS (Saihitei)  
Ami, before we die here, I want to tell you...  
I lo-  
  
ARMY OFFICER (Tenkou)  
FIRE!!!!!!!  
  
(Gunshots)  
  
ENJOLRAS (Saihitei)  
*looks at R's prostrate body at his feet*  
Oh well  
Too late.  
But listen, ami, I love my wife,   
And the state doesn't encourage  
Relationships between people of the same sex  
So all your attempts were in vain, I'm afraid,   
And -  
  
ARMY OFFICER (Tenkou)  
And shoot him again!  
And again!  
And again!  
  
(Enjolras is shot, and subsequently shuts up, 'cause it's hard to be dead and carry on a one-sided conversation)  
  
KoK: There, wasn't that SWEEEET??  
  
Ryuuen: *sulkily* Sadist.  
  
Saihitei: I was only telling the truth, though -  
  
KoK: *frown* But, Sai, Houki just ran off with that hot palace guard from the 6th manga...  
  
Saihitei: Noooo! *sniffle* Well, if she's cheating on me, I'm cheating on her. Doulin, wanna date?  
  
Doulin: I thought you'd never ask! *leaps into his arms*  
  
KoK: There, wasn't THAT sweeeet?  
  
Kishuku: *sweatdrop* If you say so...  
  
Lanva: HEY!!! GIVE ME BACK MY WIFE, YOU CAD!  
  
Ryuuen: *goes into a corner to sob*  
  
~~~  
  
Scene 2 ~ Red and Black, Take 2  
  
(Students assemble)  
  
KoK: *shakes head* Nononononooooo.... We can't have this.... Uh, recast, minna!  
  
(Students get cast in new parts, which involves much eyebrow-raising and sardonic-comment-making)  
  
The ABC Cafe - Red and Black  
  
(The ABC Café, where the students, led by Enjolras, meet to discuss their revolutionary plans)  
  
COMBEFERRE (Emtato)  
At Notre Dame the sections are prepared!  
  
FEUILLY (Ayuru)  
At Rue de Bac they're straining at the leash!  
And might I question what the hell I'm doing in this role?  
  
ENJOLRAS (Saihitei)  
No you may not!  
You will trust our judgment  
  
COURFEYRAC (Lanva)  
Students, workers, everyone  
There's a river on the run  
Like the flowing of the tide  
Paris coming to our side!  
Hmmm....   
Bet the pretty girls will be attracted by the prospect  
Of brave soldiers, etc...  
  
ENJOLRAS (Saihitei)  
Girls are no issue  
We must think about our government!  
We must appoint a good leader!  
The time is near  
So near it's stirring the blood in their veins!  
And yet beware  
Don't let the sake go to your brains!  
For the evil we fight is a dangerous foe  
With the advisors of doom that we never can match  
It is easy to sit here and swat 'em like flies  
But the Kuto emperor will be harder to catch.  
We need a sign  
To rally the people  
To call them to arms  
To bring them in line!  
  
(Marius enters)  
  
ENJOLRAS (Saihitei)  
Marius, you're late.  
We have been wondering where you were.  
  
JOLY (Myoujuan)  
What's wrong today?  
You look as if you've seen a ghost.  
Delusions? Hallucinations?  
Need healing?  
  
GRANTAIRE (Ryuuen)  
Dear Enjy say what's going on!  
*thinks* Maybe Marius COULD explain  
His own lateness better, but  
I wanna hear Heika's voice  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
Mienakutemo tashiki na mejirushi kokoro no hoshi-tachi!  
  
GRANTAIRE (Ryuuen)  
Not THAT 'Voice'!!!  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
*cough* Oh. Right. *clears his throat*  
A ghost you say... a ghost maybe  
She was just like a ghost to me  
One minute there, and she was gone!  
  
GRANTAIRE (Ryuuen)  
*sigh*  
I am torn apart  
I am sad at heart  
Is Marius found love at last?  
I never thought he'd be the one  
I must sit here all alone  
And here he comes like Don Juan  
It's tragic as an opera!  
  
M. THENARDIER (Chuin)  
Opera?   
Mention you OPERA??  
*jumps onto the stage and begins to enact a scene from a Chinese opera*  
  
GRANTAIRE (Ryuuen)  
*throws him morosely into the wall*  
  
ENJOLRAS (Saihitei)  
It is time for us all  
To decide who we are  
Do we fight for the right  
For a well-ruled government now?  
Have you asked of yourselves  
What's the price you might pay?  
Is it simply a game  
For rich young boys to play?  
The colour of the world  
Is changing day by day...  
  
Red - the blood of angry men!  
Black - the dark of ages past!  
Red - a world about to dawn!  
Black - the night that ends at last!  
  
ENLIGHTENED GOVERNMENT, WE TELL YOU!!!  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
*besotted sigh*  
Had you been there tonight  
You might know how it feels  
To be struck to the bone  
In a moment of breathless delight!  
Had you been there tonight  
You might also have known  
How the world may be changed  
In just one burst of light!  
And what was right seems wrong  
And what was wrong seems right!  
  
GRANTAIRE (Ryuuen)  
*stifled sob*  
Red!  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
I feel my soul on fire!  
  
GRANTAIRE (Ryuuen)  
*sigh* Black!  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
My world if she's not there!  
  
ALL  
Red...  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
The colour of desire!  
  
ALL  
Black...  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
The colour of despair!  
  
GRANTAIRE (Ryuuen)  
You don't know despair, Ghost-boy;  
I could teach you DESPAIR!  
  
ENJOLRAS (Saihitei)  
Marius, you're no longer a child  
We do not doubt you mean it well  
But now there is a higher call.  
The girl you're talking about we too are in love with!  
Who cares about your lonely soul?  
We strive toward a larger goal  
Our little lives don't count at all!  
  
GRANTAIRE (Ryuuen)  
I'd be happy to die with you,   
Enjolras  
*chugs some absinthe dejectedly*  
  
ALL  
Red - the blood of angry men!  
Black - the dark of ages past!  
Red - a world about to dawn!  
Black - the night that ends at last!  
  
ENJOLRAS (Saihitei)  
Well, Courfeyrac, do we have all the guns?  
Feuilly, Combeferre, our time is running short.  
Grantaire, put the bottle down! Ryuuen, you're...drinking?!  
Do we have the guns we need?  
  
GRANTAIRE (Ryuuen)  
*drunkenly*  
Give me sake on my breath  
And I'll breathe them all to death!  
  
COURFEYRAC (Lanva)  
Oh, mah heavens, the poor boy!   
In St. Antoine they're with us to a man!  
  
COMBEFERRE (Emtato)  
Maybe somebody ought to do something for him...  
In Notre Dame they're tearing up the stones!  
  
FEUILLY (Ayuru)  
Yeah, like ki blasting him!  
*catches the looks*  
*defensively* Well, it'd put him out of his misery!!  
Twenty rifles good as new!  
  
GRANTAIRE (Ryuuen)  
*slurs* Vive la Republique!  
Vive Enjolras!  
  
ENJOLRAS (Saihitei)  
Oh dear, Myoujuan, could you help here?  
  
(Amid the chaos, Gavroche rushes in shouting)  
  
GAVROCHE (Shunkaku)  
Listen!  
  
JOLY (Myoujuan)   
There's nothing I have for depression, Heika.  
If I did I'd have used it on myself during   
The Shouka years, doncha think?  
Twenty rounds for every man!  
  
GAVROCHE (Shunkaku)  
Listen to me!  
  
PROUVAIRE (Kasaru)  
Yay, I'm a poet now!  
Double that in Port St. Cloud!  
  
GAVROCHE (Shunkaku)  
Listen everybody!  
  
LESGLES (Midori)  
And I'm an unlucky bald guy. Shoot.  
Seven guns in St. Martin!  
  
GAVROCHE (Shunkaku)  
Listen to me or I'll kill you too!!  
*everyone ignores him*  
GAHHHHH!!!!!!  
General Lamarque is dead!  
*immediate total silence*  
  
ENJOLRAS (Saihitei)  
*smiles, partly because he's pleased for the distraction*  
Lamarque is dead.  
Lamarque! His death is the hour of fate.  
The people's man.  
His death is the sign we await!  
  
On his funeral day they will honour his name.  
It's a rallying cry that will reach every ear!  
In the death of Lamarque we will kindle the flame  
They will see that the day of salvation is near!  
The time is near!  
Let us welcome it gladly with courage and cheer  
Let us take to the streets with no doubt in our hearts  
But a jubilant shout  
They will come one and all  
They will come when we call!  
  
GRANTAIRE (Ryuuen)  
YEAH!!  
*passes out*  
  
ENJOLRAS (Saihitei)  
*wince*  
Er -  
  
Myoujuan: *gently drags Ryuuen offstage to one of the wings, leaving Kourin to deal with him*  
  
KoK: *sigh* Poor little Ryuu-chan. And it's YOUR fault, Sai!  
  
Saihitei: *drops the Royal We* *defensively* What? It's my fault that I don't love him? I'm sorry, okay?!  
  
KoK: *sniffs disapprovingly*  
  
Saihitei: *looks to others for support* You know it's not my fault, right? I just don't love him!  
  
Others: *cough, and turn away, some moving over to the wing to see if Ryuuen is all right*  
  
Saihitei: I swear I'll go mad...  
  
~~~  
  
Scene 3, Part 1 ~ Lanva the All-Purpose Extra  
  
Lanva: Is it just me, or every single time we needed a male extra was I chosen?  
  
KoK: It's not just you. I did it to cause Sai mental stress.  
  
Lanva: *nods wisely* Oh, of course, we have to get revenge on him for not loving "Poor little Ryuu-chan".  
  
KoK: Exactly.  
  
Lanva: Fine with me, but I think I should get paid more for having to fill in all those extras!  
  
KoK: Hmmm....And why don't we take it from Sai's treasury?   
  
Lanva: As long as I have enough to impress the ladies!  
  
KoK: That was why I re-cast you as Courfeyrac.  
  
Lanva: Ah. I thought that might have been it.  
  
KoK: *stretches* Well, what shall we massacre now?  
  
Lanva: *muses* *lightbulb* *whisperwhisper*  
  
KoK: *eyes light up* Perfect!! All right, minna, we're going to have a special guest!  
  
~~~  
  
Scene 3, Part 2 ~ Orestes Stunned  
  
(Enjolras is strolling down the streets of Paris when suddenly he is whisked away through a plothole -)  
  
//By a mad cow that shapeshifted to a young woman -//  
  
(Seishuku Saihitei, give back that keyboard this instant!!!)  
(A-HEM!)  
(Enjolras is strolling down the streets of Paris when he is whisked away through a plothole into a theatre with a sign saying "Yuugi Broadway". He looks around, stunned, as he catches sight of a lot of odd-looking people (dressed in Parisian clothes however). Instantly, a beautiful dark-haired man comes over to him.)  
  
Saihitei: Marcelin Enjolras, we believe?  
  
Enjolras: *stare* No, it's Etienne Enjolras.  
  
Saihitei: *shrug* Oh well, I did my best.  
  
Ryuuen: *rushes over* Hi!! I'm Chou Ryuuen! I'm playing you in our play! *shakes Enjy's hand vigorously, causing him to go flying around* *giggle* Whoops...  
  
Saihitei: *sighs and shakes his head disapprovingly* We beg your pardon, m'sieur. Ryuuen can be a bit...energetic...sometimes.  
  
Enjolras: *breathlessly* Quite all right...  
  
Ryuuen: *bounces around happily* Sugoi sugoi SUGOI!!! I get to meet Enjolras!!!  
  
Enjolras: *slightly flattered, although he has no idea what language Ryuuen is speaking* Well, it's a pleasure to meet you too.  
  
Ryuuen: And dear gods, didja hear it? He's pleased to meet me!!! *sproing*  
  
Genrou: OI, OKAMA!! You're gonna put holes in the floor!  
  
Ryuuen: *runs back to Enjolras* Kimi, I've wanted meet you since forever!!  
  
Kishuku: *behind his hand* He means, since Sai upset him and he took too many anti-depressants coupled with a bottle of sake.  
  
Enjolras: *also behind his hand* Which one is Sai?  
  
Kishuku: The pretty guy with long hair. Ryuuen's in love with him.  
  
Enjolras: *looks reproachful* Love is bourgeois pleasure. He should be able to live without it.  
  
Ryuuen: *giddily* I've never been so happy! Everything is wonderful! *cocks his head at Enjolras* *sincerely* You're beautiful, did you know that? *shy smile* Will you let me stay with you? Or will you send me away like Sai? *sigh* He always tells me to go away. He doesn't like me. I don't know why! *desperately* I've always tried to do whatever he wants!  
  
Enjolras: *stares*   
  
Genrou: Have you had your medication lately, okama?  
  
Enjolras: *quietly* Can I wake up now? This dream is starting to upset me...  
  
Ryuuen: *clings* No! Please, please stay! Or let me come! I'll be good, I -  
  
Myoujuan: *gently detaches him and hauls him off to where Shouka has a table all laid out with various medicines*  
  
Kishuku: So, you're scared already? Actually, I'm not surprised. Yui! Find KoK!   
  
Enjolras: *watches the young girl dressed like a gamine run off and sighs* This is a very confusing dream.  
  
Yui: *runs back with KoK* Here she is, Ghost-boy!  
  
Kishuku: Do you MIND?   
  
KoK: Aww, does ickle Enjy wanna go back to his own time already?  
  
Kishuku: Indeed. And by the way, tell Yui-CHAN to be maybe a little more polite when I didn't even provoke her or anything!  
  
KoK: Oh yep, I'm right there! Yui...It's not nice to attack people with words. You oughtn't. Photographs work so much better! For example, if you take the photographs I borrowed from Ryuu-chan that he showed Ghost-boy earlier in the show... *hands Yui photos*  
  
Yui: *eyes sparkle* Whoa... I'm going to have INFLUENCE now, aren't I? *stares* Him and... well, whoever would have thought? Does Miaka know, Kishuku? Were you drunk?  
  
Kishuku: *pales* You have THOSE photos???  
  
Enjolras: *coughs politely yet pointedly*  
  
KoK: Oh, right. *sends him back to Paris, and sticks him in his flat*  
  
Enjolras: *wakes up at his desk* I hope I NEVER have dreams like that again! *feels something stuck to his head* *removes it* *stares in horror at the photograph* O, mon dieu....MON DIEU!  
  
KoK: *cackle*  
  
~~~  
  
Scene 4 ~ Kishuku's Siblings Are Prone To Misunderstanding  
  
KoK: The Never Before Released Master of the House!!! Master of the House is Thénardier's song about his seafood joint!! Perform, minna!  
  
Master of the House  
  
DRINKER THREE (Midori)  
Come on you old pest  
  
DRINKER TWO (Emtato)  
Fetch a bottle of your best  
  
DRINKER ONE (Chamka)  
What's the nectar of the day?  
  
(Thénardier enters with a flask of wine)  
  
THENARDIER (Chuin)  
Here, try this lot  
Guaranteed to hit the spot  
Or I'm not Thénardier  
Seafood liquor! Enjoy!  
  
DRINKER (Kasaru)  
Gissa glass a rum  
Landlord, over here!  
  
THENARDIER (Chuin)  
(To himself) Right away, you seedy scum   
(To customer) Right away, m'sieur!   
  
DINER ONE (Lanva)  
God this place has gone to hell!  
  
DINER TWO (Doulin)  
So you tell me EVERY year  
  
DRINKER SIX (Myoujuan)  
Mine host Thénardier  
He was there so they say,  
At the field of Waterloo  
*glares* Tearing up the quiet and probably disturbing the animals!  
  
DRINKER SEVEN (Ryusaburo)  
*barkbark*  
  
TRANSLATING MACHINE  
Got there, it's true  
When the fight was all through  
  
DRINKER ONE (Midori)  
But he knew just what to do  
Crawling through the mud  
So I've heard it said  
Picking through the pockets  
Of the English dead  
Sick fellow, that Chuin  
  
DRINKER EIGHT (Shunkei)  
He made a tidy score  
From the spoils of war  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
OH MY GOD!!!  
GET MY LITTLE BROTHER OUT OF THIS INN  
THIS INSTANT!!  
RYUUEN, YOU'RE DEAD!!!  
  
THENARDIER (Chuin)  
*coughs pointedly*  
*sings louder*  
My band of soaks  
My den of dissolutes  
My dirty jokes, my always pissed as newts.  
My sons of whores  
Spent their lives in my inn  
Homing pigeons homing in  
They fly through my doors  
And their money's as good as yours  
Ahahaha!! The more the money,   
The more the makeup!  
Everyone's welcome!  
  
DRINKER EIGHT (Shunkei)  
Wossat mean?  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
*grabs Shunkei and whisks him offstage*  
*through clenched teeth*  
Ryuuen, Chuin, you're DEAD after this!  
  
DINER TWO (Doulin)  
Haven't got a clue  
What he put in this stew  
Must have scraped it off the street  
*wrinkles nose*  
Is that face paint...?  
  
DINER ONE (Lanva)  
*chokes madly*  
God what a wine!  
Chateau Neuf de Turpentine  
Must have pressed it with his feet  
  
VALJEAN (Saihitei)  
*rushes in*  
Doulin, koi, I will save you from the evils  
Of the Stew de Thenard!!  
  
PEOPLE IN THE INN  
*raise eyebrows*  
  
(Emtato send him flying out with the help of some cute little snakies)  
  
DRINKERS  
*snicker*  
Landlord over here!  
Where's the bloody man?  
One more for the road!  
Thénardier, one more slug o' gin.  
  
GIRL (Yuiren)  
Just one more, or my old man is gonna do me in.  
*pause**bursts into tears*  
Why's daddy gonna kill me, Onii-chan?  
What'd I do?   
Hasn't Yuiren been a good girl??  
*sob*  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
*yanks her offstage*  
*hisses* RYUUEN MUST DIE!!  
*sigh* Iya, Wren, it's just part of the song.  
Calm down.   
  
(Thénardier greets a new customer)  
  
THENARDIER (Chuin)   
Welcome, M'sieur  
Sit yourself down  
And eat at the best  
Seafood joint in town  
As for the rest,  
All of 'em crooks  
Rooking their guests  
And cooking the books.  
Seldom do you see  
Honest men like me  
A gent of good intent  
Who's content to be  
  
Master of the house  
Doling out the charm  
Ready with a handshake  
And an open palm  
Tells a saucy tale  
Makes a little stir  
Customers appreciate a bon-viveur  
Glad to do a friend a favour  
Doesn't cost me to be nice  
But nothing gets you nothing  
Everything has got a little price!  
  
Master of the house  
Keeper of the zoo  
Ready to relieve 'em  
Of a sous or two  
Watering the wine  
Making up the weight  
Pickin' up their knick-knacks  
When they can't see straight  
Everybody loves a landlord  
Everybody's bosom friend  
I do whatever pleases  
*tears of self-righteousness*  
SEIRYUU! Won't I bleed 'em in the end!  
  
THENARDIER (Chuin) & CHORUS (Ensemble)  
Master of the house  
Quick to catch yer eye  
Never wants a passerby  
To pass him by  
Servant to the poor  
Butler to the great  
Comforter, philosopher,  
And lifelong mate!  
Everybody's boon companion  
Everybody's chaperone  
  
THENARDIER (Chuin)  
But lock up your valises  
SEIRYUU! Won't I skin you to the bone!  
  
VALJEAN (Saihitei)  
Could I question why we all sang in that?  
I shouldn't be here now, and Ryuuen is in Paris, right?  
  
ENJOLRAS (Ryuuen)  
Aw, lighten up a bit, Heika!  
*nudges him in the ribs*  
  
(Sai goes flying across the room with the force of the nudge)  
  
THENARDIER (Chuin)  
*cackles at Sai in crumpled heap on the floor*   
(To another new customer)  
Enter M'sieur  
Lay down your load  
Unlace your boots  
And rest from the road  
  
(Taking his bag)  
  
This weighs a ton  
Travel's a curse  
But here we strive  
To lighten your purse  
Here the clam is cooked  
Here the fat is fried  
And nothing's overlooked  
Till I'm satisfied...  
  
Food beyond compare  
Great without a doubt  
Mix it in a mixer  
And pretend it's trout  
Eyeball of a shark  
Antennae of a shrimp  
Filling up the fish roulades  
And let's not skimp!  
  
Diners here are more than welcome  
Main table is occupied  
Reasonable charges  
Plus some little extras on the side!  
  
Charge 'em for the sauce  
Extra for it tossed  
Two percent for sipping from a wine glass twice  
Here a little slice  
There a little cut  
Three percent for eating with the window shut  
When it comes to fixing prices  
There are a lot of tricks he knows  
How it all increases  
All those bits and pieces  
SEIRYUU! It's amazing how it grows!  
  
THENARDIER (Chuin) AND CHORUS (Ensemble)  
Master of the house  
Quick to catch yer eye  
Never wants a passerby  
To pass him by  
Servant to the poor  
Butler to the great  
Comforter, philosopher,  
And lifelong mate!  
Everybody's boon companion  
Gives 'em everything he's got  
  
THENARDIER (Chuin)  
Dirty bunch of geezers  
SEIRYUU! What a sorry little lot!  
  
MME. THENARDIER (Kaen)  
I used to dream  
That I would meet a Shogun  
But Seiryuu above,  
See what wrecked my dream so soon?  
`Master of the house'?  
Isn't worth me spit!  
`Comforter, philosopher'  
- And lifelong shit!  
Cunning little brain  
Regular Hayao [1]  
Thinks he's quite a lover  
But he's not much now  
What a cruel trick of nature  
Landed me with such a louse  
God knows how I've lasted  
Living with this bastard in the house!  
  
THENARDIER (Chuin) & CHORUS (Ensemble)  
Master of the house.  
  
MME. THENARDIER (Kaen)  
Not Ayuru by half!  
  
THENARDIER (Chuin) & CHORUS (Ensemble)  
Comforter, philosopher  
  
MME. THENARDIER (Kaen)  
Ah, don't make me laugh!  
  
THENARDIER (Chuin) & CHORUS (Ensemble)  
Servant to the poor.   
  
MME. THENARDIER (Kaen)  
Butler for a sous!  
Hypocrite and toady and a homo too!  
  
THENARDIER (Chuin) & CHORUS (Ensemble)  
Everybody bless the landlord!  
*Chuin says this line pointedly*  
Everybody bless his spouse!  
  
THENARDIER (Chuin)  
Everybody raise a glass  
  
MME. THENARDIER (Kaen)  
Raise it up the master's arse!  
  
ALL  
Everybody raise a glass to the master of the house!  
  
(People edge away from Kaen and Ryuuen, who seem to be enjoying themselves)  
  
KoK: *applause*  
  
Kishuku: Applaud if you CAN! Urk. That was...disturbing, to say the least...  
  
[1] Hayao, referring to Hayao Miyazaki the Genius Author of Spirited Away, Mononoke-Hime, and Other Great Animes  
  
~~~  
  
Scene 5 ~ The Strangely Named "Page IV" or Miaka's Medications  
  
KoK: Assemble, minna, next outtake! *yawn* You really must question the sanity of this "cute little couple" here.  
  
Every Day  
  
COSETTE (Miaka)  
Every day  
You walk with stronger step  
You walk with longer step-  
`The worst is over.'  
Just keep taking plenty of sugar!!!  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
Every day  
I wonder every day  
Who was it brought me here  
From the barricade?  
I pray  
It wasn't Valjean  
I swear, that fellow's nuts about my Miaka!  
  
COSETTE (Miaka)  
Don't think about it, Marius!  
With all the years ahead of us!  
I will NEVER go away  
And we will be together  
Every day.  
Every day,  
We'll remember that night  
And the vow that we made:  
  
A heart full of love  
A night full of you  
The words are old  
But always true.  
Suzaku, for shame  
You did not even know my name!  
Bad Taka!  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
Dear Mad'moiselle  
I was lost in your spell.  
Miaka, I told you, it's not Taka in this life...  
  
(Valjean enters, unnoticed)  
  
COSETTE (Miaka)  
A heart full of love  
No fear no regret  
My name is Marius Pontmercy  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
Cosette, Cosette!  
Have you forgotten to take your medications AGAIN?!  
  
COSETTE (Miaka)  
I saw you waiting and I knew.  
Nope, took 'em just like I'm supposed to!  
All of 'em!  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
Waiting for you  
At your feet  
Oh, SUZAKU, she overdosed!!  
  
COSETTE (Miaka)  
At your call  
No I didn't!  
*pout*  
  
BOTH (Both)  
And it wasn't a dream  
Not a dream after all  
And medicine is dangerous!!  
  
VALJEAN (Saihitei) (interjecting, to himself)  
She was never mine to keep.  
She is youthful, she is free.  
Love is the garden of the young  
Let it be... let it be...  
A heart full of love  
This I give you on this day  
Besides, I asked Doulin out for dinner tonight  
  
(They notice Valjean)  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
M'sieur, this is a day  
I can never forget.  
Is gratitude enough  
For giving me Cosette?  
Your home shall be with us  
And not a day shall pass  
But we will prove our love  
To you, whom we shall call  
A father to us both  
A father to us all.  
*cough* Right we will.  
  
(Cosette leaves)  
  
End  
  
KoK: This is actually supposed to precede Valjean's Confession.  
  
Kishuku: Miaka, koi, please come with me to see your therapist!  
  
Miaka: But I keep telling you I'm fine, Kishuku!  
  
Kishuku: Oh, Miaka!  
  
Miaka: Kishuku!  
  
Kishuku: Miaka...  
  
Miaka: Kishuku...  
  
Kishuku: Miaka...  
  
Miaka: Kishuku...  
  
Kishuku: Miaka...  
  
Miaka: Kishuku...  
  
Kishuku: Miaka...  
  
Miaka: Kishuku...  
  
KoK: *pointed yawn* Uh, you two?  
  
Kishuku: Miaka...  
  
KoK: Oi, Ghost-boy, you want me to show "Cosette" those photographs?  
  
Kishuku: *pales* Uh, no, no, that's fine...  
  
~~~  
  
Scene 6 ~ In Which We Learn The Name of Enjolras' Mistress  
  
KoK: Hmmm, let's continue on the theme of "Ryuuen is Pylades and Saihitei Orestes", shall we?  
  
Ryuuen: Oh NO!  
  
Saihitei: Suzaku save us!  
  
KoK: *coughs* Chapter 14 of Book One, Part Four. "In Which We Learn The Name of Enjolras' Mistress"...  
  
LESGLES (Midori)  
I admire Enjolras. I marvel at his cool steadfastness. He lives alone, and perhaps this makes him unhappy; he resents the greatness which compels him to celibacy. We others have mistresses to rob us of our wits - makes us brave, in other words. A man in love is like a tiger, and the least he can do is fight like a lion. It's our way of getting our own back, for the tricks the wenches play on us. Roland got himself killed to score off Angelique. All our heroism stems from our womenfolk. A man without a woman is like a pistol without a hammer; the woman sparks the charge. But Enjolras has no woman. He contrives to be brave without being in love. It's a very remarkable thing to be cold as ice and still as hot as fire!  
  
GRANTAIRE (Ryuuen)  
Impressive speech there, Eagle my friend!  
  
NARRATOR (Taiitsukun)  
Enjolras seemed not to be listening, but anyone near enough might have heard him murmur the word -  
  
ENJOLRAS (Saihitei)  
*dreamy sigh* Doulin...  
  
GRANTAIRE & COURFEYRAC (Ryuuen and Lanva)  
HEY!!  
  
GRANTAIRE (Ryuuen)  
For one thing, Enjy, it's the wrong girl -   
You're supposed to be in love with some Patria -  
  
COURFEYRAC (Lanva)  
For another thing, Doulin's MY WIFE!!  
You've got a whole harem, you puffed-up emperor!  
  
ENJOLRAS (Saihitei)  
Maybe I have, but the fact that you don't  
Never stopped you before!!  
  
COURFEYRAC (Lanva)  
Now it's PERSONAL!  
  
ENSEMBLE   
Fight! Fight! Fight!  
  
GRANTAIRE (Ryuuen)  
Now, now, let's talk it out...  
  
ENSEMBLE  
FIGHT! LET'S HAVE A FIGHT!  
  
GRANTAIRE (Ryuuen)  
Hmmm....  
Do they have to strip off their shirts for combat?  
  
ENSEMBLE  
*nod hurriedly*  
  
GRANTAIRE (Ryuuen)  
Fight! Fight! Fight!  
  
FANTINE (Koutoku)  
Over my dead body!  
  
GRANTAIRE (Ryuuen)  
*true to form*  
You're already dead!!  
  
NARRATOR (Taiitsukun)  
But Enjolras and Lesgles...or should I say, Bossuet? Were already wrestling with one another. *looks in their direction* Without their shirts...  
  
FANGIRLS IN AUDIENCE  
*scream*  
OH MY GOD!! SAIHITEI!!!!!  
  
GRANTAIRE (Ryuuen)  
Shut up! I'm trying to concentrate!!  
*drooling at Sai's muscles*  
  
NARRATOR (Taiitsukun)  
*looks disgruntled* *rolls her eyes* However, the Guard Nationale came whilst they were fighting and shot them all.  
  
ARMY OFFICER (Tenkou)  
Whee! Shoot 'em again!!!  
  
LIEUTENANT (Seiryuu)  
*sigh*   
Public brawling. So bad for Paris' reputation!  
  
ARMY OFFICER (Tenkou)  
See if any of them are still alive so that we can shoot them too!  
  
LIEUTENANT (Seiryuu)  
*pops aspirin* It's gonna be a long night...  
  
NARRATOR (Taiitsukun)  
*smiling* So ended the tragic tale of the barricades.  
  
KoK: *applauds* Excellent job, Sunkake Baba! AHHHH!! *runs from Taiitsukun*  
  
~~~  
  
Scene 7 ~ Orestes and the Gamin from Hell  
  
KoK: Okay, I have another scene from the book that needs slaughtering. Shunnie, get over here! You too, Sai, and Emtato. Hmm, Sun - eh, Taiitsukun-sama, can you narrate?  
  
Taiitsukun: Fine.  
  
KoK: Arigatou!! *hug*  
  
Taiitsukun: *humphs a few times, and starts to narrate*  
  
NARRATOR (Taiitsukun)  
What really worried Gavroche was his hammerless pistol -  
  
GRANTAIRE (Ryuuen)  
Wait, wait, wait. Someone gave Shun a pistol?  
  
GAVROCHE (Shunkaku)  
*waves the pistol*  
Vive la Republique!!!  
Vive France!  
Down with the bourgeois!!!  
  
COMBEFERRE (Emtato)  
Oh heavens!  
  
NARRATOR (Taiitsukun)  
*clears her throat*  
He went about exclaiming:  
  
GAVROCHE (Shunkaku)  
A MUSKET!  
I must have a MUSKET!!  
How can I shoot those bourgeois scum who hurt my Yui-sama  
If I don't have a musket?  
Why will no one give me a musket?  
  
GRANTAIRE (Ryuuen)  
Think about it for a moment, kid  
  
COMBEFERRE (Emtato)  
*raises an eyebrow*  
A musket at your age?  
  
GAVROCHE (Shunkaku)  
*kicks him in the shins*  
I had one is 1830, when we kicked out Charles X!!  
  
('Ferre hops about on one foot, yelling "ITAI! You ****in' little *******!!")  
  
ENJOLRAS (Saihitei)  
Where there are enough for the men  
We shall start handing them out  
To the children  
  
NARRATOR (Taiitsukun)  
Enjolras said, shrugging his shoulders.  
Gavroche turned upon him and said with great dignity:  
  
GAVROCHE (Shunkaku)  
If you're killed before me,   
I shall take yours  
  
ENJOLRAS (Saihitei)  
Psychopathic stalker!  
  
GAVROCHE (Shunkaku)  
Perverted jerk!  
Hey...if I kill you, you'll die first  
Then I'll get the carbine  
*runs after Enjy with his ryuuseisui*  
  
ENJOLRAS (Saihitei)  
*runs away screaming*  
RYUUEN!!! HELP ME!!!!  
  
GRANTAIRE (Ryuuen)  
*yawns and drinks another glass of absinthe - he's now learning to hold his wine quite well*  
Right, right, Heika.   
Hmm, this is fun to watch.  
  
GAVROCHE (Shunkaku)  
I AM THE GAMIN FROM HELL!  
FEAR ME!!!  
MUAHAHAHA!  
I WILL HAVE THE CARBINE!!!  
  
NARRATOR (Taiitsukun)  
*starts to giggle helplessly*  
  
ENJOLRAS (Saihitei)  
HELLLLP MEEEEEEE!!!!  
  
KoK: *applauds heartily* Great job, minna!! Minna...? Can somebody save Sai?  
  
Koutoku: *wrestles Shunkaku to the floor* All right, that's enough, Shun, cut it out!  
  
Shunkaku: *breathing heavily* *psycho eyes* Must...have...carbine...  
  
~~~  
  
Scene 8 ~ Let's Tell Marius That Valjean Killed Marius!!!  
  
KoK: I kid you not. I don't think Thénardier is quite all right upstairs. To demonstrate, we'll have Chuin and Kishuku, and Taiitsukun narrating, this next scene.   
  
NARRATOR (Taiitsukun)  
We're not following the book here, just   
Because Chuin's got too many monologues  
But we get the general gist  
*coughs*   
Now, to begin...  
  
Marius was living happily with Cosette  
After having forced her father away  
Because he was a convict  
When he was visited by a certain  
'Baron de Thénard'  
  
BARON DE THENARD (Chuin)  
Hello, old chap! How are you?  
  
BARON DE PONTMERCY (Kishuku)  
Absolutely spiffing!  
Just killed my father-in-law  
Ahhh, it's such a refreshing feeling!  
  
BARON DE THENARD (Chuin)  
You killed him? Uh-oh...  
  
BARON DE PONTMERCY (Kishuku)  
Well, I really just estranged him  
Care for some champagne?  
  
BARON DE THENARD (Chuin)  
Thank you.  
Would you like to get rid of him for good?  
  
BARON DE PONTMERCY (Kishuku)  
You mean...?  
  
BARON DE THENARD (Chuin)  
I can prove that he both murdered and robbed someone!!  
  
BARON DE PONTMERCY (Kishuku)  
Oh, I already knew that!!  
He killed that Javert fellow  
And robbed Monsieur Madeleine  
  
BARON DE THENARD (Chuin)  
Uh....actually...  
Monsieur Madeleine and Jean Valjean  
Are the same person...  
And Javert committed suicide.  
  
BARON DE PONTMERCY (Kishuku)  
Noooo!!!!  
*sobs on Chuin*  
You mean he's innocent?  
Oh, please no, Suzaku, noooo!  
*sniffle*  
  
BARON DE THENARD (Chuin)  
*pats him awkwardly*  
But he did kill and rob someone  
  
BARON DE PONTMERCY (Kishuku)  
Really? *sits up* Reallyreallyreally?  
*huggle* Oh, thank you! Thank you!!  
  
BARON DE THENARD (Chuin)  
Quite all right, not at all  
He robbed and killed a certain  
Rich fellow  
Lovesick Bonapartist by the name of Marius  
Poor boy was bloodied up something awful  
Carried him through the sewers -  
  
BARON DE PONTMERCY (Kishuku)  
NOOOOO!  
*starts to hit Chuin*  
It's me!!!  
Wahhhh! He saved my life!! I wanna go and cry somewhere!  
How could he?  
Wahhhhhhh!!!!  
  
NARRATOR (Taiitsukun)  
Admittedly, in the book, Marius didn't react this badly -  
  
MARIUS (Marius)  
No I did not!  
I went to welcome him back with open arms!!  
  
NARRATOR (Taiitsukun)  
Yes, yes.   
But we all know of the enmity between   
Kishuku and Saihitei.   
So, young Pontmercy  
Go jump in a lake!  
  
MARIUS (Marius)  
*stalks off muttering angrily*  
  
KoK: *giggle* The idiot...  
  
BARON DE PONTMERCY (Kishuku)  
*beats Chuin over the head with the champagne bottle*  
  
KoK: Okay, okay, stop hurting him!!  
  
Kishuku: *glares*  
  
Chuin: *rubs his head and looks hurt*  
  
~~~  
  
Scene 9 ~ In Which the Boy Gavroche is Not as Kind as He Ought To Be  
  
KoK: Lovely title there, whichever one of my figments/muses/OCs did that... Narrator?  
  
Taiitsukun: Right here!  
  
KoK: Gavroche?  
  
Shunkaku: Here!  
  
KoK: Kiiiiids?  
  
Gyokuren, Shunkei, Chuei: Here!  
  
Shunkaku: Ack! I'm surrounded!!  
  
KoK: Shut up. Okay, remember up in Part One, how dear little Gyo-chan was told that she'd get another role to play since her character (Girl) wasn't quite appropriate for her age level?  
  
Kishuku: *grinds teeth* yes...  
  
KoK: And we told her she'd get to play someone else if she was good, someone who didn't die?  
  
Ryuuen: Yes?  
  
KoK: So! She's going to play the urchin in chapter 2, "In Which the Boy Gavroche Profits by the Great Napoleon", of book six, "The Boy Gavroche", of part four, "The Idyll in the Rue Plumet and the Epic of the Rue Saint-Denis"!! Take it from the top, minna.  
  
NARRATOR (Taiitsukun)  
Further along the street he noticed, shivering in a doorway, a beggar girl of thirteen or fourteen -   
  
BEGGAR GIRL (Gyokuren)  
I'm younger than that, Ma'am.  
  
NARRATOR (Taiitsukun)  
THIRTEEN OR FOURTEEN whose skirts were so short that they left her knees uncovered. She was beginning to be too old to go about like that. These are the tricks that growing up plays. Skirts become too short when nakedness becomes indecent.  
  
[Enter Gyokuren in an amazingly short anime skirt, which has been ripped and dirtied to appear like rags]  
  
GAVROCHE (Shunkaku)  
Good GODS, she only ten, you know!  
  
NARRATOR (Taiitsukun)  
That's NOT your line...  
  
GAVROCHE (Shunkaku)  
*walks up to her*  
Poor kid...  
*peers at her*  
Hey, aren't you that kid that -   
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
YOU PERVERT!!!!   
GET AWAY FROM MY SISTER!!!  
  
GAVROCHE (Shunkaku)  
HEY! No stealing my scene!  
Out, out, out! *kicks at him*  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
*Combeferre-style, goes hopping on one foot cursing our gamin*  
  
GAVROCHE (Shunkaku)  
A-HEM!  
*to Gyokuren*  
Aren't you that kid I killed?  
Because your brother killed my aniki?  
Yeah! That's who you are!  
  
BEGGAR GIRL (Gyokuren)  
M'sieur, I'm so cold...  
  
GAVROCHE (Shunkaku)  
Really? Why don't you ask your brother   
For a shawl?  
  
BEGGAR GIRL (Gyokuren)  
*with a bit of courage, looks pointedly at his shawl*  
M'sieur, I'm awfully cold...  
  
GAVROCHE (Shunkaku)  
So you've said.  
By the way, aren't these chicks yours?  
*gestures at the trailing Chuei and Shunkei*  
  
BEGGAR GIRL (Gyokuren)  
My brothers, yes.   
But M'sieur, you don't know how cold it is!  
  
GAVROCHE (Shunkaku)  
Yes I do!   
That's why I'm so lucky I have this shawl!  
*pats it lovingly*  
  
NARRATOR (Taiitsukun)  
STICK! TO! THE SCRIPT!  
  
GAVROCHE (Shunkaku)  
No! I beat up an ugly poodle for this shawl!  
I love it! It's mine! I'm not giving it to some girl  
Whose brother killed my Aniki!!  
  
NARRATOR (Taiitsukun)  
You better or I'll -   
  
GAVROCHE (Shunkaku)  
Fine, fine.   
Yeah, I suppose she needs something  
Or she'll have to be a prostitute to get it.  
Well, with that outfit it wouldn't be too hard...  
  
BEGGAR GIRL (Gyokuren)  
Could you please tell me what  
A prostitute is?  
  
GAVROCHE (Shunkaku)  
They're these hard up ladies who go around and -  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
I'M GOING TO KILL YOU IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP!!!!  
  
GAVROCHE (Shunkaku)  
- Sell candy! Here's the shawl! BYEEE!!!   
*throws it to her and scampers like hell*  
  
BEGGAR GIRL (Gyokuren)  
Sell candy? Maybe it would be kinda fun...  
  
ENJOLRAS (Ryuuen)  
Uh, no, actually,  
I think you'd be better off overthrowing the government...  
Come with me, dear...  
*steers her toward Café Musain*  
  
NARRATOR (Taiitsukun)  
And gosh darn it, if she wasn't the cutest  
And most perfect Patria-representation anyone'd ever seen!  
She became the emblem of the revolution!  
And they all lived...happily ever after, till the Guard Nationale shot them all.  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)  
Saving the beggar girl, because Cosette and Marius adopted her.  
  
GAVROCHE (Shunkaku)  
Yeah,  
Because they were way too chaste to actually   
Have kids or anything like that...  
  
MARIUS (Kishuku)   
In point of fact...  
  
GAVROCHE (Shunkaku)  
I don't. Need. Details.  
  
~~~  
  
Scene 10 ~ The Great Search For A Restaurant For The Cast Party  
  
KoK: Hey, any fashionable restaurants here in NY that we can storm?  
  
Ryuuen: *eyebrows shoot up* I wouldn't know.  
  
Saihitei: Quite possibly...How about...Chef Morimoto's Japanese Restaurant?  
  
KoK: YOU MEAN THE DUDE WHO DOES IRON CHEF?? ON THAT WEIRD TOTALLY MESSED UP SHOW ON FOOD NETWORK?  
  
Saihitei:...Yes...  
  
KoK: *flashes him a grin* Awesome.  
  
Ryuuen: Awww, can't we go to Smitty's Chop House?  
  
KoK: You're freaking psychological. Certifiable. No one's ever heard of it anyway.  
  
Ryuuen: Oh, come on! Tell me no one's ever heard of Mary Worth! Don't people read the comics in their newspapers anymore? *tirade*  
  
KoK: Not ones like that.   
  
Myoujuan: The Nelvana Restaurant of Doom! That cheap one I took Houjun to in The Seishi-a.  
  
KoK: No. Just...no.  
  
Koutoku: The Italian one I took Yui-chan to in our RPG log?  
  
KoK: Right. Like anyone wants to remember that, Kou-chan.  
  
Emtato: There's this lovely little Vietnamese place that Waen and I went to once... "Saigon Delight"?  
  
KoK: Oooh, it's a good one. Damn, I'm torn!  
  
Shunkaku: So what else is new?  
  
Ryuuen: CAFÉ MUSAIN, CAFÉ MUSAIN, CAFÉ MUSAIN!!! *bouncebouncebounce*  
  
KoK: No, dear. We're either going to Saigon Delight or Chef Morimoto's place.  
  
Ryuuen: *cute pouty look*  
  
KoK: Sweet, but not enough. Where shall we go?  
  
Saihitei: Wherever you want, beloved authoress.  
  
KoK: Relax, Sai. When I get revenge on you for Ryuuen, it'll be in another fic... *thinks about it* I haven't done Fushigi slash before. I ought to practice.  
  
Saihitei: *buries his face in his hands* Oh Suzaku...  
  
Ryuuen: *perkily* Really? You'll write me with Heika-sama?  
  
KoK: Yeah, if inspired. Anyway! We must have a place for our cast party! I say the Saigon Delight. Any objections?  
  
Shunkaku: *mutter* Apart from it being tiny, no...  
  
KoK: GOOD! Let's go!   
  
Shunkaku: Haaaaang on a second! It's not in NY!  
  
KoK: Really, dear, what do you think plotholes are for?  
  
(They all vanish through a plothole and re-appear in the small home-owned Vietnamese restaurant called Saigon Delight)  
  
Proprietor: Er...How many?  
  
KoK: Thirty or less, I'm pretty sure!  
  
Koutoku: 33 if you don't count Boushin, actually.  
  
Shunkaku: No, you forgot the authoresses. That's four more.  
  
Koutoku: So thirty-eight.   
  
Proprietor: Don't know if I have that many seats. Or that much food. Or...a large enough space. You look loud.  
  
KoK: WE ARE!!!!!  
  
Proprietor: Obviously.   
  
Saihitei: KoK-chan, why don't we just go to Chef Morimoto's place? It'll mean we don't have to traumatize this poor man...  
  
Proprietor: Yes, why don't you?  
  
Saihitei: There, you see! Let's go...   
  
KoK: *frowns* Fineee.... *opens a plothole*  
  
Saihitei: Lovely.  
  
Ryuuen: Chef Morimoto? Oh yeah, you did say something about him! I was busy daydreaming about Smitty's Chop House and Café Musain, but yeah, I remember! Yeah, let's go! Yeah!  
  
KoK: Ryuuen, dear, perhaps we could extend your vocabulary past the word yeah...  
  
Ryuuen: If you want to.  
  
Shunkaku: I'm HUNGRY!  
  
KoK: Impatient little monster. Go on, the plothole is open.  
  
Shunkaku: Whee!   
  
(The cast goes through the plothole and for some utterly odd reason ends up in Café Musain)  
  
Enjolras: OH DIEU NO!!!  
  
KoK: *giggles* Whoopsies. Sorry, Enjy!  
  
(The cast returns to the plothole to end up in Smitty's Chop House)  
  
Ryuuen: YAAAAAAAAYYY! *pounce-glomps the owner himself*  
  
Silas Smedlap: AHHHHH! GET AWAY GET AWAY GET AWAY!! I have to live until my grandson is born!!  
  
Mary Worth: It might not be a grandson, you know. There's such things as granddaughters.  
  
Silas Smedlap: Nooooo! Don't even suggest! It will be a boy!!!  
  
KoK: Uh, guys, how about we leave?  
  
(The cast returns to the plothole and re-emerges in the Nelvana Restaurant of Doom)  
  
SaKOORah: Like, what do you want to eat?  
  
Genrou: AH NO GET IT AWAY!!!!  
  
KoK: Sorry, dear, wrong place. Genrou, quit screaming.  
  
(The cast returns to the plothole and come out in a sweet little Italian Restaurant)  
  
Waiter: Oh, Mr Koutoku and Miss Yui, how nice it is to see you again! Are you going out to the opera? And you've brought all these friends!  
  
Koutoku: Actually, we broke up. This is Yui-san's new fiancé. Anyway, we're the cast party for a play we were putting on!  
  
Waiter: Oh, how lovely! You wish to be seated?  
  
KoK: No! We're going to MORIMOTO'S PLACE!!! *yanks Koutoku back into the plothole along with the rest of the cast*  
  
(They finally emerge in Chef Morimoto's Restaurant, which has no name that KoK knows of, so we shall call it, for the sake of what we shall call an argument, "New York no Koshin" or "The Centre of the Lake of New York")  
  
Saihitei: Ah, here we are!  
  
KoK: Yay! Let's PARTAY!!!  
  
Ryuuen: Oh yeah!  
  
Chef Morimoto: My restaurant!! *_*  
  
KoK: *grins widely* Yep, and it's just *lovely*, too! We're honoured to destroy it!!  
  
Chef Morimoto: *buries his face in his hands*  
  
Ryuuen: SO, Kimi, can I have a sushi platter?  
  
Chef Morimoto: I own the restaurant, I'm not the waiter!  
  
Ryuuen: Shoot, 'cause I'm allowed to hit on waiters, and you're kinda cute.  
  
Chef Morimoto: Well, listen, shoujo, -  
  
Saihitei: You mean shounen!  
  
Chef Morimoto: She's a h- Kami... *backs away*  
  
Saihitei: *smirks slightly* Poor Ryuuen.  
  
KoK: Do you want to get hurt?  
  
Saihitei: Not particularly, lovely one.  
  
KoK: *preens* Gee, thanks...  
  
Shunkaku: Can't we eat?  
  
KoK: Oh, right. Eat. Well, order, minna!!   
  
Ryuuen: Speech, speech, speech!!  
  
KoK: Who'll speechify for us!!  
  
Ryuuen: Davy Crockett!!  
  
KoK: ......Right, Ryuuen dear.   
  
Myoujuan: I will!  
  
KoK: Um. Are. You. Sure?  
  
Koutoku: Me!  
  
KoK: Nah, you'll sap it up. We all know that, Kou-chan.   
  
Koutoku: *grins* Good point. How about Sai does it?  
  
KoK: Okay!  
  
Saihitei: Very well. Friends, fellow actors, countrymen, lend me your ears -   
  
Ryuuen: *yanks out a knife* One minute, Sai!  
  
Saihitei: NOT LITERALLY, RYUUEN!!!! This has been a wonderful play, a fabulous chance for us to discover our inner selves. In presenting "Les Miserables" I hope we have presented ourselves, shown the world who we are. Congratulate yourselves, all of you, for you have done something truly worthwhile.  
  
Ryuuen: *swoons* How glorious, Sai-sama!!  
  
Cast: *applause*  
  
KoK: And like all stories told by the Popcorn Hat Players, they lived HOW?  
  
Ryuuen: Happily ever after!!  
  
Kishuku: *shakes his head* Only you, Ryuu-chan...  
  
KoK: THE END!!!!!  
  
We Apologize To All Persons Traumatized In The Reading Of This Fic. But We Wish To Make It Clear That No Japanese Chefs Had Restaurants Which Were Destroyed In The Making Of This Fic. 


End file.
